Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Hey Cole,
This is Jenn Hill. It's been two years and I have watched over Jessi the best I can for you. She misses you, Cole. And I do too. I know you had great plans for your future with her and I want you to know that you will always be in her future, she loves you more than words can express. I'm sorry I haven't written before, I really didn't feel like I had the right, but then I realized that Jessi is my best friend and you were also my friend, so I can write to you today and say that I miss the Red Lobster dinners in Rome with you and Jessi and Adam. Adam missed you too. You know he is working for the Sheriff's office now in Whitfield Co. I don't really like it but he does so I have to respect it. I'm sure you know everything that I am tying since you are in heaven and can see it all! :)
I feel like I am rambling, so I will just tell you what you already know :). Jessi loves you just the same (if not more) than the day you left us. She talks about you daily and always makes sure you are a part of her life. I know it has been 2 years, but she lives like you were here to honor you. She is my inspiration because she is so strong for you. She also keeps in touch with your mom, it's sweet to see them together. Adam and I went with Jessi to the police memorial ride in Atlanta. JESSI got on a motorcycle just for YOU! I was crazy! She even rode down the interstate! Which you saw all of, but I had to tell you anyway.
Well, save me a place in heaven.
I miss you...
Jenn Hill

Jennifer Hill

April 26, 2005

cole,
we never got to meet but i feel that i know you sooo well. i can not explain to you how much jessi loves you and misses you. she is so very lucky to have had your love and devotion up until the moment you were taken from her and your family.i have had the pleasure of knowing jessi for a few months now and have become good friends with her. i feel that i am soo lucky and blessed to have her in my life. i know now how lucky you were to have her in your life also. please, please watch over jessi,her sister,her family and yours too! this is a very hard time for them. jessie has been so deticated to you and your sacrifice before and after your death. she again loves her baby ( you ) very very much. so please keep an eye on them and if you don't mind could you give nick a hug for me. i kniow you guys have become friends up there just as we have down here. you are missed and loved by all.
kirsten

kirsten

April 26, 2005

To Cole's Family & Friends,
My heart goes out to all of you, as you have survived 2 years without Cole. May the Lord continue to give you strength and comfort to make it through each day. You all are in my thoughts and prayers.

My dear friend, Jessi:
It is a joy to be your friend, and to watch you grow in the faith. I have been inspired by your strength through your loss of Cole, and the testimony that you have shown to so many---you have helped me so much with my grief over Josh. There is no doubt in my mind that you were the last thought Cole had when he went to be with the Lord. The love that the two of you shared is so precious, and the committment you have for one another is unbreakable. I know that as you continue down this road of healing, Cole looks down on his "baby doll" and smiles. He would be so proud of you. Continue to follow after the Lord---He is there for you always. You are in my daily prayers.

Love & prayers,
Kelly
"Josh's Love"

Kelly Gillain
Sig. Other to Deputy Sheriff Joshua E. Blyler EOW 5.2.04

April 26, 2005

i have been doing a lot of thinking today, cole. how weird it is to be typing you this message rather than talking to you in person, but i will do what i have to do. what so many people do not realize is that this day is about YOU and the wonderful man you were - son, fiance, friend, officer, hero, and role model. your mom and i were talking the other day and we both agreed we can never live up to the man you were, but we sure can try. this is about honoring you, what you stood for, just the kind of mature young man that you displayed to the world. you made me so proud, time and time again. and you never cease to amaze me, even now. the tears i cry can flow like rivers, for i can now only dream of the dreams we had and those that will never take place for your parents and my own. i have watched my little sister break down and cry as if it were the same day but 2 years ago. tell me that is not love, respect, and honor. sure, i can remember the good times we shared, but i cannot help but be saddened that there will be no more memories made, no more fun times shared, and no more laughter with you to warm my heart. EVERYTHING that i do will be to honor you and nothing else, for it is not about me or my pain but rather it is about the influence you had on me and so many others, even those you do not know you have affected. it is about the inspiration to carry out your life dream despite what it cost you - even your own life. it is about being a man of honor and integrity and never doing anything that would harm another soul. it is about respect for every other person regardless of how you felt about them. and it is about protecting this city, county, and ultimately the nation. you have been honored every day in my heart, home, and family, at the state level in forsyth and atlanta, and in washington d.c. it speaks volumes of the sacrifice you made to make a difference in the lives of strangers.

i will never stop loving you and i will never forget the words you said to me so many times. i will end with those to give me strength and something with which to face tomorrow. i might continue my life, but i will never ever forget you. never EVER doubt the love we shared - i know it was and still is so real - and so does anyone who knew you and me.

EYE LUV U...you are the reason i am, you are all my reasons.

jess

April 25, 2005

Cole - We have been thinking about you all day and have been praying for Jessi and the family. She is being so strong in this rough time and I know you are proud of her!! I am doing as much as I can to support her, and I wanted you to know I said an extra prayer for you - and for her today. I know you are in Heaven but Angels still need prayers too. Im convinced that is what you are..an angel. Watch over Jessi and let her know you are ok.

Love,
Jessica
Fiancee of Officer Dan Starks
EOW 10.25.03

April 25, 2005

On this the second anniversary of your passing, we pause to remember.
As I join the hundreds of police motors making their way to the memorial in Washington D.C. next month, know that you will be thought of.
And know also that your memory lives in the hearts and minds of all the people you left behind.
While your tour in over, ours continues.

Senior Trooper
Virginia State Police

April 25, 2005

You live on in the memories, minds, and hearts of all who love you. They will be in my thoughts today, as they recall how their lives were forever changed on April 25, 2003.

Norie Haas
Mother of Brian Haas
E.O.W. 4/24/2004

Norie Haas

April 25, 2005

I can't believe it has been two years since the Lord took Cole from us. I think about him everyday. My roommate has even pointed out that I mention his name daily. I don't know what the Lord's plan was when he took Cole that day but I do know that it all will be revealed to us one day. So many people love him and miss him but I just hope everyone realizes that he is better off up in Heaven than he would be here with us. I think about his family and friends often and hope they are doing well. I know it is hard on everyone to go day to day knowing that he is not here especially for those that were close to him. I pray for all of you and today I said a special prayer for those close to him.
Cole, You mean so much to me. I cherrish the time we had together and everything that you instilled in me. So much about me was shaped by you and everytime I think about something you taught me it brings a huge smile to my face because I have finally came to that place where a smile replaces the tears. I have learned that a smile can say so more about you to those around me than tears can do. I know you are up in Heaven watching over all of us and that gives me so much comfort. I know I will see you again one day but until then I Love You and Miss You! Forever and Always!

Heather

April 25, 2005

I decided to look back a couple of years at officers lost in the past and I wanted to let you know we all still are thankful for the ultimate sacrifice you and all the other officer’s have made. May you watch over all of us and keep us safe.
To Jessi, your words on fellow officer’s reflections have, I am sure, helped ease the pain of many family, friends, and co-workers. Be strong, for you will always be a member of the LE family and you will always be loved!

Ptl. Bundren
Lockland PD, Ohio

April 25, 2005

well it doesnt seem like 2 years at all, still miss ya boy.. debbie, tony, jessi .. im thinkin' about yall and prayin for ya too.

Heath Hansird
John 14:1

April 25, 2005

well today is THE day...that horrible, dreaded, awful, terrible day. i don't know how i will make it thru, but i guess somehow i will do it for you. we went to the memorial ride in atlanta on saturday. your mom was able to read off your name in the roll call of heroes. my dad was running around helping out wherever he could. mommy was there with me, and i know her heart was breaking as she watched me and deb talk about you. mom and dad soo wanted you to be their son-in-law, and in my eyes you are. it was hard to be there as it was just another reminder that you really are gone forever. i don't know why this had to happen--i still question it. until i see you again, you know i will always love you and honor you in whatever way i can.

on another note, this was so ironic. the chief of atlanta police spoke a few words at the memorial and talked about how it could be anyone who was honored at that ceremony, but his department has been lucky so far. well that night, cole, one of their officers was killed in a shoot-out...makes no sense at all. i know you welcomed him into heaven...i believe his name was mark cross. he leaves behind a wife and two very small children. please let officer cross know that he needs to send lots of love down to his family--they will surely need it for a long time to come--i say, forever.

thank you for the love you gave me and the way you continue to encourage and inspire me.

EYE LUV U baby.

Jessi
your fiancee

April 25, 2005

Jessi,
First of all, I would like to thank you for writing on Jon's page. It is so strange to think that such little things as a brief message can turn your day around and make it much more worth while. This whole experience has been tough, to say the least, but it is sort of comforting knowing that others like you are out there, experiencing the same emotions. I can see from reading the reflections how much you must miss your Cole. I miss my Jon the same. Unfortunately I will not be able to attend D.C. I am torn up that I can't be there, especially to meet all of you. It's amazing how such a tragedy can bring people together. I will continue to pray for you and your pain of losing your part of your heart. If there is a way for me to contact you, please let me know. We all share the same pain of losing our love, maybe we can comfort each other through this journey. God Bless you and all of Cole's friends and family.

Tristen

Tristen
girlfriend of Jon Walsh EOW 8-20-04

April 23, 2005

i woke up this morning with tears in my eyes. somehow my heart knew that exactly 2 years ago today is the last time i ever saw you alive. the next time i saw you, you were no longer in that body but just laying there and i can't get that picture out of my head. you didn't even look like anything was wrong except for a few bruises on your beautiful face and cuts on your knuckles. i just don't understand how you can be gone. it is not fair, and it doesn't make a bit of sense.

the night you were killed was your first night back to work after your 3 days off. it was a thursday night...
the last day i saw you was tuesday, because you stayed home on wednesday to help your mom clean the house, do the yard, and stuff like that...that's just the kind of man you were...always looking out for the ones you loved. anyway, monday and tuesday you spent with me, and i am so thankful for those days. they are truly blessings, and i don't know where i'd be without those memories. that was the only time you had ever stayed with me so late...i think it was 1 or 2 in the morning. we rode all over berry's campus, stopping to look at the beauty God has given us all...the deer grazing, the amazing stream and lake, and of course the chapel where we were supposed to get married. i remember you carrying me from the dorm across the wet grass to your new car...that was one of my dreams...for you to carry me through the rain. thank God it finally got to happen, i guess. of course i know we had ice cream in there somewhere (a night wasn't complete without it), and i'm sure some tickling each other and just holding each other tight. i remember you bringing me back to the dorm and asking why i looked so sad. i told you i didn't know if i would ever see you again...did i know, cole? did i know that that was the last time i would ever see your face and your glowing smile? God, if i did, i swear i would have done anything to save you.

that horrible, horrible day i remember us talking a lot more than usual. you were actually online as i was running around the room getting ready for work. it was the day before my finals would begin, so all i had to do was work. you were getting ready, too, for your first night back. you were supposed to call as i was going to work, but something happened i think, and so i had to go in without hearing from you. later that evening i heard back from you and you were sooooo excited because you had gotten your radar certification and could give speeding tickets...i loved hearing the excitement in your voice and knowing that you were the happiest man alive doing what you loved and dreamed. i was in a very bad mood that day...sometimes i think i knew that very day that you were about to leave me for the rest of my life. there was just something wrong...i couldn't put my finger on it. but of course you sensed it in me - you could read me like an open book. you thought i was mad at you, but of course i wasn't. it was just this nagging feeling that i couldn't shake. so the last time i talked to you was at around 12:45 am when i was already in the bed. i had talked to you sometime before that....i think about midnight and i was vacuuming my room...we laughed about that because your mom used to vacuum at crazy hours. i told you i had finally figured out why you were going to marry me - i was just like her! you said you'd call me back, but i had a final at 8 the next morning, so i had to go to sleep before i heard back from you. so when you called, i was groggy as usual. why couldn't i have just woken up and talked to you? why? i remember you saying sorry for not calling me back sooner and that you knew i would do amazing on my finals. you said "i love you" about a million times and then said "i'll talk to ya in the mornin'"...little did i know..........

i had to call your friends, cole, and that was soooo difficult. i can remember saying it so bluntly: "cole was in an accident...no, he's not ok...he's gone...yes, i'm sure...no i'm not okay...cole is dead." those words resonate in my mind over and over again. i remember my own parents telling me...they drove down to berry at 3 or 4 in the morning. i had jumped up around 4 and knew that something was wrong instantly. i could feel that you were hurt or something. i looked at my phone and didn't see a text message saying you were home. ordinarily, like every other time, i would have texted you and you would've called me back saying you were ok and you loved me. but this time for some reason, i didn't text you....i knew. my RA came pounding on my door about 20 minutes after i had been laying there awake wondering what to do. she said my parents were coming. when they got there, i flew down 3 flights of stairs to the lobby. mom, dad, and brittany were all crying...i knew it was bad. at first i tried to hope that it was my grandparents. they told me to sit down and i don't really remember if i did or not. i kept saying, "what's wrong? tell me what's wrong." mom finally said, "cole was in an accident." and i said, "is he ok?"...the look in her eyes told me you weren't....and finally then she said "no." i don't really know what happened after that. i felt like i was falling and i thought i was going to throw up all over the place. i think i screamed "nooooo" and then i just laid there...maybe i passed out...i can't really remember. in the next instant, i was running up the stairs to my room - i have never gone up 3 flights of stairs so quickly. mom was yelling, "slow down....wait for me"... and i just kept thinking and saying, "we gotta go now"...i woke up my roommate and told her that i had to go home. she asked if everything was ok and i said "cole was in an accident. he'll be okay." i think my mom was behind me shaking her head "no"...i threw on clothes and grabbed my purse...nothing else...again i ran back downstairs and told dad and brittany that we had to go. brittany and i walked arm in arm and i was practically dragging her it felt like. dad wouldn't let me drive b/c it had been storming really bad. it seemed like it took forever to get only an hour back home. i kept punching the side of the door and nearly hyperventilating. i tried calling your phone and everytime you didn't answer meant another outburst and screaming. the rest is kind of unimportant - we arrived home and went to your nan's house. it was the first time i saw your dad cry and i instantly felt your mom's pain. i don't really remember the rest of that morning or really the next few weeks...i just know i kept thinking, "i should not be planning my fiance's funeral at this age."

how could it have been you, cole. i wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else, but why? you were so young and so good, and we had a wonderful life ahead of us..."we've only lived a quarter of our lives" is what you told me monday night when i said my worst nightmare was something happening to you before we could get married. what you said after that has kept me going to this day still. you said that you had finally achieved your goal and were getting to do what you loved....you wanted me to finish school and become the best teacher ever because that had always been my dream. you said most people don't get to live out dreams like that, but we would, and we would be the happiest couple ever. why, cole? my dreams have been shattered. sure, i will teach, and that will be great. but my ultimate dream was waking up next to you for the rest of my life and becoming jessica martin. you said that name sounded sooooo good. i don't understand. i don't think i ever will.

i don't want to stop writing to you today because somehow it helps just a little bit to get it all out and down. it makes me feel like i'm talking to you. i just read the message from an aspiring trooper in kentucky. please watch over him and keep him safe so that his fiancee does not have to go thru this pain and agony for the rest of her life. also, i hope you and dan starks are having a good time together. me and his fiancee, jess, are building a beautiful friendship. tell him thanks for sending her to me. also, i hope you've met nick sloan - he's an amazing one, too, and i'm sure he has some fun stories for you to hear. his fiancee, kir, is a wonderful person. and maybe you've met josh blyler - kelly is another great girl. i know why all you mean loved us girls - we loved you right back and supported you every step of the way. we are still supporting you all. a lot of us are going to police week this year. i will honor you in the best way i know how to.

EYE LUV U COLE
"You are the reason I am; you are all my reasons."

jessi

April 22, 2005

Officer Martin,
Just reading your reflections, and can't help but notice how great a relationship you and Jessi must of had. I am recently engaged and hoping to be a Trooper up here by the end of the year, people don't realize the chances LEO's take everytime they go on duty. I couldn't read all her posts without getting teary eyed thinking of my fiancee and what she is willing to go through marrying me knowing my career choice. As a total stranger I can't say anything to ease anyone's pain, but you and your fiancee have really opened my eyes to what she will go through everytime I am just a little late getting home, or the sirens go screaming by the house. Cole when I graduate if you ever get a free minute feel free to check in on me and help me get back home, God Bless you jessi, and keep Officer Martin's family strong this week.

Hopeful In KY

April 22, 2005

Cole -
I never got the joy of meeting you but have met your beloved Jessi and have to tell you how wonderful she is. I am sad to have met her but joyful for her friendship that she has given me. I have been thinking about you alot Cole -the two year mark is quickly approaching and I frequently look up into the sky and wonder what is going on on the other side of that great, big sky. I wonder if you have met my Daniel -- and I wonder about all the magical things Heaven has. I am sorry I never got to meet you but you brough so much joy to Jessi's life and everytime I hear a story about you -- I can tell how much she truly loved you. Love like that is hard to find and I do beleive that it still stirs in the Hearts of those that created it - even after death. Cole there is never a day that goes by that you are not remembered. Thank you for your sacrifice.

To Jessi - Girl you KNOW I am praying for you! Everyday without fail and I know that the days are long, and sometimes hard. I cannot wait til we a reunited with our "loves" and I want you to know you have become a dear friend whom I will always be there for. You take care and know I am here for you anytime! Always know Cole loves you and he is never forgotton.

Jessica Ruhl
Fiance of Police Officer Daniel Starks
Ft Myers PD, FL
EOW 10.25.03

April 21, 2005

hey my baby...

talked to your mommy today and boy do we all miss you...i know brittany has been talking about you a lot lately too and my mom and dad are missing the man who you must be now. how blessed were we all just to have known you.

EYE LUV U sooooooooooo much!

jessibabe

jess

April 20, 2005

i'm sending you a thousand butterfly kisses tonight...

missing you as always and wishing those big strong arms could hold me tight...

when i see you again, i will be the happiest girl in the world.

EYE LUV U ALLWAYS AND FOREVER

jessi

April 19, 2005

morning, babe...

well it's yet another day...
i saw the josh posted a message for you...it means so much to me that he still remembers when it seems like so many others have already forgotten. sometimes that hurts worse than anything else...knowing that you died for them and they don't even remember and honor you. it's getting closer and closer to that day. isn't it amazing how your whole entire world, life, dreams, EVERYTHING can change in a split second and now that day is a black day on your heart for the rest of your life. i don't think some people understand what it's like. and how can they, i guess? i don't think people know what it's like to miss you every second of every day and to only want to have you back right here. i know your mom does...please give her some strength to get through this next week in particular. she and i will get through it somehow...with the help of others who care i guess. i don't really know. we will do it for you - that's what she said you would want. i know that in my heart but sometimes it is just so hard. if you can't tell, this is another one of my horrible days. who would have thought after 2 years i would still be sitting here balling my eyes out just because. just because you are not here and never will be ever again. you told me that our love would bring me comfort. sometimes it just hurts that much more to know what i had and to know that i will never feel that way ever again. not that i don't want to remember you, cole, but sometimes the pain...it just cuts and keeps cutting and i just want to run the other way without stopping or looking back. but i can't. i can't turn my back on you and even if i did, the heartache would still be there. i guess i'm not very good with words, here, but i just want you to know that it can be pure hell down here without you. please, please just be with me through every day of this until i can join you.

EYE LUV U.

jessi

April 19, 2005

Cole,
It's almost been two years since the worst night of my life. We all still think of you all the time and I have been telling all of the new officers about you and everything we got into, I start to feel better then get sad again. This Saturday is the Police Memorial ride in Atlanta, several of the deputy's and officer's are riding down with me (there is also several others riding with us). I miss you. I know your still up there watching over us, I can feel it sometimes. Keep patrolling the streets up there, and we'll watch them down here.

Sgt. Joshua Etheridge
Chatsworth Police Department

April 18, 2005

hello again, my angel...
today has been a rough one...britt was here and a bunch of us girls went to the formal last night. we had a wonderful time just dancin' the night away. today, i don't know what the problem was...i have just missed you a lot. i'm in one of those moods, you know. i just want you back, want to feel your arms wrapped around me, want to know you are by my side. i don't know how i will deal with what is inevitably coming up. i don't even want to think about that day. i just love you so much, my guardian angel. please just give me the strength to make it through all this. i only have 3 more days of classes and then finals...i will keep on trying - for you, because i know that is what you would want and for me, because this has always been one of my dreams. i miss you more than words can possibly begin to express.

EYE LUV U.

Jessi
your baby doll

April 17, 2005

night, baby! i bet it's beautiful up in Heaven...sure wish i could be with you. it's been a really rough day, again, today...a really hard week, you know. brittany is really missing you a lot more and more and she is talking about you more often. she soooo wanted you to be a part of our family, cole. you always will be no matter what, even if we were not "official" or "legal"...our heart were bound to one another and we were committed to loving each other totally and completely every single day for the rest of our lives. she loved you so much and still does. please just send her some angel hugs tonight...and if you could send some to the rest of us who love you so much, that would be faaaabulous dahhhhhling! ;P

EYE LUV U forever and always in all ways

jess

April 14, 2005

well, cole, it's not getting any easier...i have been told time and time again that it will someday...i haven't seen that day yet. i don't know that it will ever ever come. :`(

i miss you so so so much. sometimes there just are no words to express it. i'm going to go to bed and hope that you will visit me in my dreams. i love you baby, now and forever, you will always be my first love, my true love, and my eternal love.

your baby doll

jess
your one and only true love

April 13, 2005

I can't believe it's been 2 yrs on April 25 that the earth lost such a wonderful and loving man, but in return God gained an angel in his Heavens. What a blessing it must be up there to everyone having him by their side walking down the streets of gold. Cole was such a blessing in my life. He made me laugh when I had a frown and lifted me up when I was down. I just wish he were here in person this May to see my daughter's first birthday, I know he would love to eat some cake and icecream with her. I know he will be watching over us and will be smiling down just because a new life is growing older.
Cole, I know you are up there helping guide us through any hard time that is thrown at us all that were close to you and even the one's that weren't so lucky to get to know you personally. But actually anyone that ever got to meet or talk to you just for a second was very lucky because you are very special and lit up anyone's eyes that came into contact with you.
Cole I love you like a brother, thank you for being there for me always. Protect the streets of Heaven and save a ride in your accord for me. I will see you very soon, I know you will be at the gates ready to greet me when I come in.

Officer Cole Martin
I Love You

Shorty

April 13, 2005

get ready, babe, cuz you might have a new message every day for the next little while. i have been working on homework absolutely all night long. i guess i'm glad in a way that i am so busy. while i definitely still think about you, i can't get too sad because i know you'd wipe away my tears and make me finish my homework first! ;P just one more year, cole, and then one of my dreams will come true. i wish so badly that OUR dream of a life together forever would too. i know that it won't happen...but i can still wish and dream. i don't know how i'm making it thru the days...each one gets a little bit harder than the last. i talked to jess today...she is soooo amazing. i'm sure you and her fiance, dan, are hangin out shootin the breeze together. i talked to kelly tonight...cole she sent me the most beautiful flowers and said they were from you. i want to get in touch with some of the other girls, but this week is absolutely nuts. please send me some signs, cole...just to know you are still there, still listening, still loving, still encouraging...i could really use it right now.

EYE LUV U and good night...as you used to always say: talk to ya in the mornin...i love you MORE!

jess

April 11, 2005

hey my baby,

well in exactly 2 weeks and 1 day, it will be 2 years...i cannot imagine. it was 2 years on friday since may went to heaven. i'm sure the 2 of you are having fun together up there. i wish i could say the same for what's going on down here. i just cannot fathom that you are gone. i mean, i guess the reality has been here for a while, but then again it is still so unreal that you are not ever going to call me or walk through the door or drive up or surprise me or anything. police week is coming up...just a month away. i hope that i can bring honor to your name and memory, angel. i will tell your story with pride and speak of the man who you were, and still are, to me. the things you stood for and the way you treated every soul you met. there are just so many things i wish i could say and ask and do...if only you were here. i know i can't live for the "what if's" nor can i continue to feel guilty for all i didn't tell you or do especially the night you were killed. it just hurts, cole. i just wish there was something i could've done. why couldn't i talk to you longer...actually wake up and talk to you. maybe things would be different. if only i would have known, cole....if only...

we can't go back to that time and place and i know that. i am making a promise to you right here and right now. i promise to live my life to the fullest doing what makes me happy and fulfilling whatever my purpose might be. i promise to do all i can to reflect your inspiration in my life and to honor our love forever and always. i promise to do what i think is right and to never forget the principles you stood for. most importantly, i promise to continue to try to carry on day by day, slowly i'm sure, because you wouldn't want me to sit here and cry that you are gone. i can't promise i won't cry....i know i will. sometimes the tears swell up in my heart and i have to let them out. otherwise, my heart might just explode. please help me keep these promises babe. come visit me in your dreams, and please cole let your mommy know that you are still with her always.

EYE LUV U

jessibabe

April 10, 2005