Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Cole it is such a difficult time of year. The EOW date, mothers day, your birthday, and on Saturday it would be your wedding day. It would have been so beautiful, I can close my eyes and see you standing there, I can see us all there and Jess coming down the church with her wedding dress on so beautiful, and you standing waiting so tall and so handsome. Would there have been dancing? I can see us all there, the joys of the day and you starting a new life, and dreaming of the babies to come. I can almost smell the fragrance of the flowers, and see the beauty of the chruch wonderful. With the ponds and deer. It is all a dream now, just a dream. There will be no wedding on saturday for us. There will be no joys in the day, no wishes of the future. There will be no love to be shared. Because you died 3 years ago. It changed our lives forever. I don't know of any good that came of your loss that could take the place of you not being here. I don't know of any hurt worse that what we feel each moment of the day. I have been told that you died for a reason. That good came out of it. That it may have saved you from some extreme unbearable hurt. I cannot image. Would somebody tell me what it is? That is another one of those things that will evade us forever. I miss you Cole the words are not adequate for how I feel. I am sorry Cole for all the things that you did not get to do. I am sorry that you will not have your wedding day and the life you planned. If I could change it or trade places I would.

May 25, 2006

Oh Cole, I miss you so much. I dreamed last week you just showed up. I told you I thought you had died and you said you had just left for a little while. Then I asked you if you knew what I had gone through and you just smiled your smile. I asked you if you were ever going to leave again and you said no. It was a good dream, but I knew it was not really you.

We went to police week. The candlelight service and the capitol service it was good. I raised my candle high for you and many others. It was good to touch your name and just visit there with you for a while. I sat as close to your name as I could during the candlelight service. I met a man in the airport and he asked if I was Cole's mom. I was very proud to say that I was and that we were there to honor you.

You Cole are my hero in life and in death. You were my best friend, my baby, and my son all rolled into one. I miss you with every breath I take. A mother left a note for her son at the wall asking God to please take her soon. I immediately understood this woman's wish and her pain and grief. I live for the moment of seeing you again.

I love you Cole, with everything that I am.

May 24, 2006

cole, i miss you. every day i look at what could have been. it is SO hard to see the beautiful young woman my sis has turned into knowing she's hurting so much. i just hope you are always there for her, helping her no matter what. i saw a rainbow the other day and it brought the biggest smile to my face. she loves you so much. sometimes, well i must admit, a lot of times, i wish you were still riding around in your little cop car watching me while i'm on the road and protecting me from those crazy boys. i'm sure you have found a replacement though!!! it's truthfully amazing to see how we have all changed...some good, some bad. she's beatutiful, coconut. i love you, man...so, when are you going to tell my sis how you were truthfully going for me-the blonde? i keep telling her, but you know her stubborn self...she won't believe me! :) nah, you guys are in love. she's beautiful..i know i keep saying it, but cole, she IS!!!! you have got to be one of the proudest dudes up there. she's pretty, too!!! he,he. i'm keeping an eye on her too, don't worry. i miss you. my sis and i will pull each other through...

britt
jessi's lil sis

May 24, 2006

Dad is Always here,and will never forget.

May 18, 2006

When you feel Lonely


When You feel Lonely
When a person you love passes away
Look to the night sky on a clear day.
The star that to you, appears to be bright,
Will be your loved one,
Looking upon you during the night.
The lights of heaven are what shows through
As your loved one watches all that you do.
When you feel lonely for the one that you love,
Look to the Heavens in the night sky above.

Author unknown

May 4, 2006

dear cole

i wish we had met in life. im sure we will in heaven. thank you for being you, and sending your precious jesse into our lives. god does work in such strange ways. while the love we feel for jess will never replace her love for you it has in some strange way helped us by loving her. you and daniel enjoy your time in heaven you certainly deserve it. just remember - we are coming!

jess - what can i say - we love you and are so very proud of you!

kathe starks
mother of officer daniel starks
eow 10/25/03

April 25, 2006

Cole,
Thank you for allowing me to meet your Jessi at National Police Week through FL Jess last year. The three of us had SO much fun and we shared a lot of laughs and A LOT of tears. Remember "muskrat"? THAT was SO funny...

I didn't know you but I feel very strongly in my heart that as Jessi walks on Saturday, you will be beaming with pride, telling all of the other Spirits, "Did you see Jessi today?" How proud he will be. Although it is one of her proudest moments, it will also be filled with so much sadness from the lack of having you wrap your arms around her after the ceremony is done and telling you how proud you are of her.

I know you will be at graduation in Spirit, Cole. I know you will be sending your beloved Jessi much extra love Saturday day. I know you are so proud of the wonderful woman and excellent teacher that she has become.

Juli Verkler
Widow of Ptlm. Bryan S. Verkler EOW 12/13/03

April 25, 2006

i'm sorry to bother you again, baby, but i just had to write you. i just talked to another survivor, laura, whose husband was killed today also, but now 8 years ago. it is such a comfort to know i am not alone in this pain. i must admit that i didn't really know what to do with myself today. i held it together really well...that's what i'm supposed to do right? after i got off the phone with laura (we blabbed about you and allen for the longest time and it was sooo wonderful), i went to the last place that we were together. it is amazing the feeling i got when i got there. i haven't been since we were there together, and i'm glad i finally went. it was something i felt i needed to do, but couldn't get the courage to do. i've driven by a million times, but other than taking your mom up there when she visited, i just couldn't go back and stay. i have to admit that i lost it. i just couldn't hold it in anymore. cole, i'm so sorry for crying because i know how much you hated me being upset but it really does just hurt so much to think you are not here anymore. i know that i have to remember all the good memories and all those things that people say that are supposed to get you through the rough times. but it doesn't help cole. it just doesn't. it's not that i think i can't live without you. it's knowing that i have to... and that i don't want to. i'm sorry that i'm not stronger and that i can't do this.... it is just unbearable sometimes. i am trying not to think about this day 3 years ago. i won't let myself because it still makes me physically sick. i am so proud of what you were and the way you lived your life. i am so proud and honored that you chose me to love. and i wouldn't trade any of this pain because at least i know it was and always will be true love that i have for you. i'm going to try to go and take a shower or something. who knows. nothing helps. i'm so sorry for not coping with this better. i cannot wait to see you.

eye luv u
~j

April 25, 2006

To Officer Cole Martin and his loved ones and his fellow officers in the Chatsworth Police Dept.:

On this the third anniversary of your tragic death, please know that your memory is revered and honored today.

May your family continue be to comforted by the warm embrace of their law enforcement family, and other police survivors who share this painful journey with them. My heart is with your family and Jess. You can feel the love and longing for you in their moving reflections.

Jess, congratulations on your graduation. I am sure that in the midst of all your grief that it helped to have something meaningful to focus on. I know Cole will be with you on your special day.

To Cole's Mom, I read your reflections and my heart breaks as I understand your anquish and inconsolable desolation in missing your precious son. They will always be our babies.
They will always be loved, always missed, always cherished, always mourned until we take our last breath. Our children are our greatest gifts; losing them is the worst nightmare and we all just want our old lives back.

Cole, reading all the loving reflections left by those who cared for you gives us an understanding of what a good and honorable man you were and of the high esteem with which you are held.

You rescued us, saved our possessions, our lives and our families. You are one of the rare heroes among us. You were always there for us in the most traumatic moments of our lives. No matter when we called, we just expected that you would come and do whatever it took to help us, and you always met our expectations. Your selflessness and dedication are awe-inspiring.

This world, this country, your community truly are better places because of you. To have lost you is a great tragedy, an irreplaceable, immeasurable loss for society. We are grateful for and to you, and honor you for all you did for us day in and day out whether you received a word of thanks or praise.

Rest in Peace, Officer Cole Martin. I am so humbled by your valor and courage.

This reflection is sent with the utmost respect for the distinquished service Cole gave to his community and the citizens of Georgia, and for the supreme sacrifice he and his family made on April 25, 2003.

Phyllis Loya, mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

April 25, 2006

Hey Cole, Wanted to let you know I was thinking of your friends and family today, and esp Jessi. As I was praying on my way to my appointments today I started out asking God for things for myself -- feeling selfish I switched to prayers for Jessi and fellow survivors. Words, prayers, whatever doesn't seem enough. Only your physical presense seems to be satisfying for many. I can't believe that three years ago you died. And 2 years ago I met Jessi at Police Week. We were both basketcases! We were so sad, hurt, angry, upset all rolled into one. I would not be where I am today with your Jess to help me along. All the days I was so angry, and hurt she just listened to my complaining, and sadness. She has been such a joy to have as a friend and will continue to be a life long friend until we join you in Heaven. Walk with her on graduation day. She is so strong and great.

Be with your family Cole. So many miss you and I read frequently so many reflections of the boy, young man, and man eveolved into. I wish I could have met you but I look forward to the day. Give my Daniel a hug for me (if thats possible!) :)

God Bless,
Jessica
Fiancee of Police Officer Dan Starks
EOW 10-25-03

April 25, 2006

Well, Cole I know you don't know me but I feel like I know you from all the good things I've heard from Jess. I did not know her until one day she left a reflection on my husband's page saying that our EOW dates were both April 25. From that day on we were instantly friends. She has helped me so much. I know you would be so proud if you could only hear her and see what she's done. She's an incredible lady and I know you're smiling down on her every day. It sure is hard for us to be left alone to travel on without you guys. Please tell Allen I said I love him and I know he was probably there to welcome one of his own the day you made it to Heaven. I know we’ll all meet up there someday, but until then you keep sending Jess the strength that she needs to just take it day by day. I’m very proud of you, Cole. You’re a true Hero!

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
Of Allen Gibson, Jr. EOW 04/25/98

Laura

April 25, 2006

still cant believe you're gone .. love ya man ..

Heath

April 25, 2006

Dear Family, Friends, and Loved Ones of Cole,
My thoughts and prayers are with you today. I know that every day is difficult without your loved one. Rest in the peace that Cole is in the arms of Jesus. He will never be forgotten.

Dear Jessi,
Cole would be so proud of the woman you have become through this tragedy. You have kept his name alive and encouraged so many people. I know that you will always have a special place in your heart for him. Continue to reflect on the love you shared and the happiness Cole gave you. He is waiting for you on the other side. You're in my thoughts and prayers always, Jess. Love you.

Sincerely,
Kelly (Josh's Kelly)

Kelly Gillain
S/O Deputy Sheriff Joshua Blyler EOW: 5.2.04

April 25, 2006

well here i am again..... i was almost up until the exact time that you left us all but i just couldn't do it. i didn't want to think about it, didn't want to feel that pain all over again. but you can't avoid it. you can't run from it. it's there and it comes no matter what you do. it's a pain that never leaves really. some days are better than others and i think i try to drown myself in other things just so that i don't have to admit what is racing through my mind. but today, ugh i just hate the date. i absolutely cannot stand to hear the date, april 25th...

it is so hard to believe it has now been 3 years. in so many ways, things are completely different and in others, they haven't changed a bit. i've gone through a lot myself...grown up and carried out my goals. graduation is this saturday and i'm still left wishing that it was you out in the crowd waiting for me with my family. wishing that you could see what i have become and that i am stronger than i ever thought i could be. God, i hope you are proud because i have tried so very hard to do it...for you and for me. the dream, though...the dream will not ever happen. this is just yet another reminder that the wedding which should be happening in a month and 2 days will not happen ever. just a reminder of the last time we spend together and the reality of the nightmare that i had that something would happen to you before we were married and together. and a reminder that there was nothing i could do to save you, protect you, and keep you. i think of all the other things changing...people coming and going, others who have left this earth since you and joined you in Heaven, challenges thrown at my family that we've had the strength to battle because of you, and the many times i feel like you have literally turned on your jet-propelled angel wings to swoop in and saved me. everyone tells me you are watching me, looking down and seeing everything. i wonder if that is really true. and i wonder if it is....what do you think? are you happy with how things have gone since you left? are you proud of how different people close to you have reacted to your death and have treated those who loved you most? are you excited to see us all again? what i would give to know how things would be if you were just here right now. i can only imagine.

cole i know many people out there do not understand. they do not understand why 3 years later i am still sitting here writing this "novel" as you used to call them :) all i can tell them is that i loved you then, i love you now, and i will always love you. i don't care where i go in life or what else happens, but you my baby will always be a part of my heart and soul. people also do not understand the agony and the emotions that wash over you constnatly without warning. i swear i wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy. i hope people know that you are a true hero. i'm sorry there is really nothing for you back at home except your grave. your mom and i tried several times, and we got nothing. i think it is so sad, and actually downright unacceptable. but i can't do it alone. it infuriates me to know that you laid down your life for the people of our town and for your fellow officers. it could have been any one of them. and in return you have nothing but your grave. i hope the people remember you baby. i guess that's all i can ask.

i am sorry, too, that i wasn't at the ride. i just couldn't do it this year. several reasons....all of which you know, and i hope you understand. my dad was there, and i know he talked about you constantly. mom has been really sick, so it just didn't work out this year. i guess some of the boys were there. i know daddy was trying to round up guys from the chatsworth p.d. as well as murray county and even dalton and whitfield county. i hope they stuck to their word and honored your memory. i'm glad that people could go this year, but i wish they had been there from the beginning. my wish, angel, is just that you would get the respect and honor that you deserve. you gave so much of yourself for all of your friends, family, and people you encountered at work and i just think that you deserve only the best in return.

i will go for now, angel, not because i'm leaving or forgetting or anything but because the words just can't express the thoughts anymore. they can't capture the tears or the hurt or the empty space in my life forever unfilled. cole, please know that eye luv u allways and forever. and once again as you told me so many times, you are the reason i am...you are all my reasons. and baby, i am praying for you mommy and daddy...for your nan... for the jackson lake boys, your other friends (i won't even try to name them all) and for the officers you left behind.

Jessi
fiancee

April 25, 2006

Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell.
Rest in Peace and may Our Lord comfort your family today and always.

April 25, 2006

hey my baby...
since i can't be there, i asked a wonderful friend of ours to leave a rose for you from me. i hope that it is beautiful and pure as our love. she has been a fabulous girl the last several months. i don't know what to write right now, so maybe i will write you later. i love you my angel and can only think of that precious smile of yours and your deep eyes. talk to you later coley woley.

~j

April 24, 2006

Dear Cole and Family,

We are thinking of you all today, wishing somehow, someway, that for you, and all of us, things would be different.
We hold your life and memory dear, and will be so glad to meet you when we get to join our precious Matthew. We got your tree planted Cole, and hope your Mom gets to come and see the park someday. You are not forgotten.

Love,
Linda Rittenhouse, Matt's Mom
Matthew Rittenhouse, EOW 9/16/04

Linda Rittenhouse

April 24, 2006

I am sorry baby. I did not know about the ride this weekend. Your flag did not fly it should have. Forgive me. It is 3 years tonight around 1 am. My mind is racing. There is so much I want to tell you, so much has happened. But I can't can I? I would trade every breath I have left and ever had for just one look at you. I want to hold you so much, just to touch you one more time. Just to hear you say, Momma I love you. But I never will not on this earth. Cole, I love you so much, it's hard to bare. You were the best thing that ever happened to me or ever will. Without a doubt the best person I have ever known. The only consolation I have is knowing you were happy and lived life doing what you dreamed all your life of doing. You lived life as an example and loved the work you did. I know because you told me these very words just days before you died. I am proud to be your mother. I would not trade one moment. I love you son. You are the best. Thank you for being my son, thank you for being the joy in my life. Be happy my baby. Soar high. Never forget me Cole, please. I love you, my sweet, sweet baby. I love you. Always and forever.

April 24, 2006

I remember my baby. I love you and think of you each waking minute. Soar my baby and be happy that has been my wish and prayer for you since the moment you were conceived.

Life is a funny thing to experience. It never works out as you anticipate or expect. I love you my angel with all my heart and soul. Always and forever, our love will be everlasting.

April 23, 2006

Cole,
I know that I have not wrote in a while but I still think about you everyday, I always read the new reflections left by the people that have been touched by you. We just returned from the police memorial ride in Atlanta, it was great. The weather was a "little" wet at first, but by the afternoon the sun was out for our ride home. We had some shirts made in your memory and wore them through the ride, several people told us how much they liked the shirts. Cole thanks for everything, I know that you are still with us even though you may not be here.

Sgt. Joshua Etheridge
Chatsworth Police Dept.

April 22, 2006

thank you for watching over me and mom yesterday...you'll always be my special angel

luv~
j

April 18, 2006

Cole, I never met you but i did meet your girlfriend at police week. My thoughts and prayers are with your family and loved ones. This is probably a hard time of year for them. You keep an eye on them.

April 17, 2006

My baby. I read the reflections and I just cry. I don't understand any of it at all. I don't understand how we can continue each day. Breathe, walk, talk, live and your not here. Life continues on. How does this happen? It just seems so unreal. How we continue on. But we do somehow. By Gods Grace. Well I went through all your things. I wanted to get this all done before the 3 year mark. You have 5 containers, I laundry basket and one bag along with some other stuff. This does not count what I have in a room in the house that I call Cole's Room. I kept everything. Every little paper football you made. Every card that you received and your clothes. Someone told me it would be better to get rid of it all. I thought they were crazy. I have the sheets you slept on your last night. I could still smell the faintest smell of you. I put them in a bag and have them in my nightstand. I guess they are one of my most preciouse possessions. I found a picture at Nan's with you and Pa, and Auburn. I thought it was ironic that the way you all sat was the way you died. I look at that picture in the mornings when I wake up and at night before I go to sleep. I find the pain of your loss and the heartache of not seeing you unbearable at times. It is like a physical hurt. It hurts all over. I don't know how I can live another moment sometimes without you. I just want to see you, be with you, talk to you. Hug you. Just find out what has been going on with you. We never thought you would die. Never thought we would be left without you here. I love you Cole so very much. I am so proud of Jesse and her Dad. I guess you are a part of that and that makes me very happy. Walk with Jesse on graduation day. Be beside her let her feel your love. I love you my sweet, sweet baby. Your momma loves you. Always and forever.

April 11, 2006

hey coley woley,

i put down a deposit on an apartment this weekend in douglasville.... i showed both of my parents the douglas county sheriff's dept. building which has been dedicated to officer blake gammill....that's awesome to see and very impressive that the department has done something to honor such a sacrifice. i miss you like crazy my blue angel. this weekend i was cleaning out old papers trying to throw away stuff i don't need so moving won't be such a hassle and i ran across college class notes from my freshman year. i had written all over them "cole and jessi" and "jessi loves cole" and "jessica ann martin".... needless to say i had a slight emotional breakdown and cried my eyes out in my bedroom floor for a good solid hour. the hurt never ends baby, it never will. i can try to carry on and put on a smile but my heart is still cracked. seeing those papers just knocked the breath out of me and took me back to a time when you were so alive and we were so in love. i guess it sounds juvenile that i scribbled all over my papers, but i loved you so much. i was telling my friend adam that it's so unfair that you can love someone so much and they can be ripped away from you but other people get to continue on even when their love is not true and real and genuine. why couldn't we have the chance to get married and make beautiful precious babies and live out our dreams together???????? well in 19 days i will be walkin across the lawn at berry.... it's hard to believe i've made it this far. cole, i honestly never thought i would make it to graduation. i guess i thought i would die of a broken heart before now, but i couldn't see this far into the future. i really couldn't see a life without you in it, and honestly i still can't. it's all foggy up ahead and i don't really know where i'm going or what i'm doing. i'm just going with the flow as they say and literally doing it one day at a time. i cannot imagine looking out into the crowd and not seeing your face. i know that if i just close my eyes i will see you there, and when the wind blows, i'll be able to "smell you coming", and maybe just maybe if i stop and take it all in i will be able to feel your spirit and your presence. i want it all bad enough. anyway my superman, i guess i should be going. i have one more project left to do that is due next week. i hope i have made you proud. and i hope that you know that i still love you. always and forever.

j

April 10, 2006

hey baby....
2 of my friends...you knew both of them....are getting married on may 27th...OUR wedding date. i don't know what to do. i really don't even know how i'm going to make it through graduation without you much less attend a wedding on the same day i would be becoming your wife. anyway, i turned in my portfolio today...4 years of sweat and tears is finally paying off i guess. i haven't signed my contract with douglas county yet, but i expect to be doin that within the month. i'm exciting about moving, but terrified at the same time. i'm sure i'll be ok with your help as always. miss your smile the most these days....

luv~
jess

April 6, 2006