Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

No truer words can ever be spoken.
May our GOD Bless you.

December 21, 2006

I try to keep running prayers through my mind over and over just not to think. I go to your room and just look at your stuff and touch it and look at your pictures and remember.Then I start to remember the silliest of things like scooby doo underoos:) Or one of the last times we were as a family and you sitting on the couch and talking to me and Dad and then you getting up and me telling Dad so astoundingly Cole's voice is just like yours now. I don't know where the memories come from they just pop in all of a sudden. Then I wonder what is time for you. Is it like yesterday or is it like a million years? Do you still remember us? Do you still love us? The bible says we are known in heaven as we are known on earth. I know one thing for sure. Loosing you was loosing me as well. Because until the day that I am reunited with you I will never be a complete, sane or whole soul again. This pain never goes away, the constant longing. What this life for? I think me and Dad both would like to know because we wish it was your life, your days, your time and there is nothing that we both would not give or do for you to have it. You are loved of this I know you know and feel. I love you forever and always. Merry Christmas my angel.

December 20, 2006

Hey Baby Cole,

This week has been a hard week, as you know, Danny is now in heaven with you. At the beginning when he first past all I could think was he worked all his life and only made it to 44 and what did it get him? But after his ceremony I understood. He helped so many people and saw things that none of us every wanted to see, he was proud to work for the fire department and EMS and never hated what he was doing. I had never seen so many fire engines and ambulances and EMS vehicles in my entire life, he would have been so proud. During the services I cried for you Cole while I was crying for Danny and when the Life Force Helicopters flew over the cemetary and they gave the last call for him over the radio I cried even harder. The City of Chatsworth was privileged to have had two fine young men serve and do their duty for mankind. I know that you and Danny will both look after all our loved ones until we can all be back together once again. Cole tell Danny to look after his sister, she loves him so much and misses him with all her heart. I love you Baby Cole and I miss you and I am so proud that your were a part of my life and you will always be my angel.

Love,
Cousin Lynn

December 17, 2006

hey baby...
i miss you :( A LOT i just can't stop thinking about you today... and every day.

tony and debbie - i still love you both and hope that you know that i still think about you every single day. i would give anything to bring your son back.... i promise.

love,
jessibabe

December 10, 2006

I Love Son. I only wish this was your day.

DAD

December 9, 2006

hey babe,

well my kids met our "life skills" officer today. they have changed the name from D.A.R.E. to that for some strange reason! anyway, it made for a very rough day for me. the young man was your age... even looked a little like you but with blonde hair.... well he was a bigger guy at least... that was the only resemblance! haha! anyway, it just really made me miss you because i think you would have been awesome at working with the kids like that. of course my little darlings wanted to know if he'd ever shot someone or been shot, lost a partner, had loaded weapons... and one kid asked "what's the big deal with that pepper spray?!?" i almost lost it thinking back to you having to go thru that while in the academy! haha! i can still remember seeing the video.... you and ted and shane... oooooh boy.... i can hear your voice, too. what i wouldn't give to hear it again now. :`(

i am trying to make it thru this, angel. the last few years have been so tough and somehow i've managed, but this year is just killing me. it's so many firsts... so many things that i shouldn't even be facing because i should be with you in our home.... going on our 8th month of marriage... shoot, maybe i'd even be pregnant and craving all kinds of weird foods. maybe we'd be fighting over what to name our kid and of course, YOU'd win! ;) all these things i think about and none of them get any easier with the passing of time. i remember your mom telling me one time that our hearts were broken and the pieces would never fit back together exactly the way they did before. that is so true. i am slowly getting back on track with "life" but nothing fits the way it used to. nothing seems just right and half the time i don't know whether i'm coming or going. i started to tell my kids about you today, but i couldn't. i got too choked up and i knew i couldn't lose it in front of my babies... even though they're not really babies at 10 years old! haha! i did tell them a little bit.... that you were an officer and that you died as a hero. you will always be my hero... my knight in shining armor.

as for the rest of life, i'm trying to be patient... but you know how i am. i want things to work out as planned and to happen in my time. i'm slowly but constnatly being reminded that things don't happen that way. God's timing is perfect and things will work out for me as God has planned. too bad i can't understand his perfect plan. i'm thinking of starting my master's degree after christmas... we talked about that a lot.... one day, i just might be a doctor! ;) who knows what will happen between now and then. i just miss you and wish i had you here to talk to and laugh with. i have so many stories even though i know you see what happens every single minute.

i hope you are watching over your friends and family... especially around this time of year. it's so hard without your smile. britt has been taking things really rough lately. it hurts to watch her cry, but it's because she loves you so much... just like me. well honey, i love you. i can't believe it's been over 3 1/2 years already... the time just keeps on going... never resting for a moment. i know you're happy in heaven, but i just wish things didn't have to be this way, because i'm not happy on earth.

eye luv u.
always and forever.
u r the reason i am; u r all my reasons.

December 6, 2006

Cole I miss you so much. I got you a snowglobe for X-mas. It has Pooh in it and a place for a picture. Nan gave me a picture of you on your Smurf Big Wheel and I put it in the globe. I remember you getting that Big Wheel for X-mas. I remember when you were born and I begged my Momma to buy you two Smurf stuff dolls. I was so proud to give them to my baby cousin, I was 14 when you were born and I would cry every weekend to go see Baby Cole. Momma was so proud when Debra gave birth to you, you would have thought Momma was getting a grandchild herself she was so thrilled. Momma loved you and she loved your mother. I take some comfort in knowing that you and Momma are together in heaven. I miss both of you so terribly much. I wish that I could trade places with you so that I could be with my Momma and you could be with yours. I know that life doesn't work that way though. I have always looked up to your mother and she is the big sister that I never had. I would give anything to take away the pain and suffering she feels each and every day. She has an angel watching over her now and that is you Cole. You will always live in our hearts forever. I love you Cole, I love you Debra. Always & Forever.

Cousin Lynn

December 3, 2006

i miss you baby.... saw the rainbow on my way home the other day. i know you are still there, but you feel so far away. :(

November 30, 2006

IT IS SPECIAL THAT YOU CAN COME TO THIS SITE AND LEAVE MESSAGES TO COLE.
THEY ARE SO MISSED. BUT WE GO ON REMEMBERING SO MUCH OF THE GOOD TIMES AND THE DAY THE INCIDENT HAPPENED.
IT IS SO HARD TO GET PAST THAT DAY, BUT TIME GOES ON AND WE DO.
THERE ARE NO WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TO EXPRESS THE DEEP SORROW THAT WE EXPERIENCE EACH DAY. YES, WE GO ABOUT THE DAYS DUTIES, BUT THEY ARE NEVER FAR FROM OUR MINDS.
WE GRIEVE EVERY DAY, BUT NO ONE SEES. WE DO IT THE PRIVACY OF OUR HOMES.

TO DEBBIE AND RON:
I SAID A LITTLE PRAY TODAY,
I ASKED DEAR GOD ABOVE
TO HEAL AND PROTECT YOU,
TO SURROUND YOU WITH HIS LOVE...
I'LL KEEP RIGHT ON PRAYING
IT'S THE BEST THING I CAN DO,
FOR IN MY HEART I KNOW THAT HE
WILL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.

TAKE CARE.

LORRAINE BOND (MOTHER)
HAMILTON COUNTY, TN DEPUTY SHERIFF:
DONALD K. BOND, JR.
EOW: 09.06.01

November 27, 2006

i remember our last thanksgiving together... love you angel.... if only we could turn back the hands of time

November 26, 2006

I love you and miss you Cole.

November 25, 2006

I miss you my friend.

Sgt. Joshua Etheridge
Chatsworth Police Department

November 24, 2006

so..i wake up in the morning and wonder what this life is for. i am so very glad to have it...and wouldn't give up my last breath for anything...but, cole, seriously...life gets harder every day. time is flying past and i just don't understand where to turn anymore....it's like no matter which way i turn, i'm hit hard. every time i get back on my feet, i get knocked down again..it just doesn't make sense...i miss you...i always giggle when i think of how you promised that when i got a boyfriend you were going to keep a close eye on him...and you were going to make sure you were the resource officer...jeeze...why is this is all so real...yet in a way it feels so much like a dream..i just don't get it anymore...i hate growing up, elvis, i hate it...people changing...me changing..times flying past...not knowing anything anymore...nothing seeming stable...everything just up in the air...with nothing to look forward too....grrr....i need some help...

j's lil sis

November 11, 2006

Cole I made some decisions yesterday that I should have made a very long time ago. From here on out I have to follow what my heart tells me to do because if I don't I'm not going to ever have any sense of happiness. I have a tendency to sway towards what other people think and their opinions and I can't do that anymore. I need to do what I feel is right and then I believe everything else will fall in place. I made some very poor judgement calls these past months and hurt someone special to me all because I thought I knew best. Well I didn't. You always told me to just give it time and everything will work itself out and that is what I am going to do. I miss you and love you.

November 11, 2006

i miss you so much and i just need you so badly. i hate this. i love you more than words on a page and more than the tears that flow from my eyes.

November 5, 2006

I was asked the other day why I dislike the holidays so much and my reply was that I miss Cole, Momma, and Uncle JC and that it just isn't the same any more without all of you. My favorite memories are all of us sitting at your Paw and Nan's for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Uncle JC would always have stories to tell. It didn't matter if we had heard them a hundred times already cause it was just always fun listening to him talk. Those were the good days, no the best days because all of us were together. What I would give just to have one more day like those. My heart is filled with sadness and I miss you so much Baby Cole. I miss all of my family. I know God has his reasons, but it still doesn't make the heartache any better. I love you Cole.

November 4, 2006

Well it has been some time since I have wrote you. You have been with me constantly. I have had a couple of night terrors in the last couple of weeks. I dreamed you were missing and nobody would tell me where you were. Daddy came and wrapped his arms around me. It was pretty hard. I miss you two so much. Today is halloween it was one of our favorite days. We always had such fun with the tricker treaters. Do you remember? Do you remember when Satty put the mask on the little gargoyle? It stayed on there forever. I miss you sweet angel. Every minute of everyday. The police department is now named the Johnathan Cole Martin Police Services Center. It is fitting and I am so proud for you. You will not be forgotten sweet baby. Never by me, now never by Chatsworth. I love you yesterday, today and forever and always. Momma

October 31, 2006

it's been a hard day, baby... no reason in particular. sometimes i just question everything. i hate this life right now, and i'm downright miserable. but baby, more than anything, i just miss you. i wouldn't even be in this place if you were still alive. there's so much i want to say, so much that is bottled up inside racing through my mind, but it all boils down to that. life just isn't the same.

October 30, 2006

Well Cole I finally broke down on Tuesday and gave my projection TV away and I didn't realize how overwhelmed I was going to be when I moved it over to your Nan's house. I remembered the day that I bought it and Tim was standing around trying to figure out how he was going to get it off the truck and into the house all by himself so I called you and you were there in a flash. What was so funny was that you just walked right up grabbed the box it was it and sat it right on the front porch without any help what so ever and then you looked at him and said "what's the problem man". I had completely forgotten that memory until that moment. I remember that laugh as you poked me in the side. I told your Nan of that memory once we got the TV there, which by the way wasn't easy, and she said that was her grandson always ready to help anyone.

Cole I had given up on that promise I had made to you, but after I had that memory it reminded me family will be there when you need them no matter what. I have been the one that has been wrong and I realize that now, although it is probably too late now, but my heart is always with my family no matter what. I won't ever give up again I promise. God guided me and put me in the right place the last time and I know that he will once again.

So much has happened in the last 3 1/2 years Baby Cole but not one moment has past that you have not been in my heart and my mind. I love you forever and ever!!

October 29, 2006

i love you angel... i can't believe it's now been over 3 1/2 years :`(

October 26, 2006

I miss you. I love you.

October 17, 2006

cole,
i woke up this morning in tears. you already know the story why, but you know me - gotta write you a novel to get it all out. isn't that the way things USED to be? i woke up from a deep sleep....one that i tried to wake myself out of but just couldn't. i don't know why. anyway, i had a dream about you. that doesn't happen often these days. i'm not sure if you're tired of visiting me, or just know how much it hurts when you do come. i can tell this is going to be a bad day because i cried all the way through my shower, and am still crying now as i sit in front of you.

anyway, back to the dream. it had lots of other stuff mixed up in it, but the most prominent is the part about you, of course. i dreamed that i went to the police station to see all that they had done for you (this is obviously in the future, as the memorial is not yet complete). in the back room somewhere was the place where your body was held. it looked like a summer camp room down at jekyll island. did you go to that, baby, with mr. howard back in middle school? anyway.... cement block walls with 4 bunk beds. so i sat in the little lobby area waiting to talk to terry and express my thanks for them finally getting the monument up and all that jazz. i noticed people kept filtering in and out of your room, and somewhere else they were also having some kind of party. well it was then that i realized they were all coming to see you. they had you laid down in one of the beds as if you were just sleeping. i couldn't bring myself to go back there. i kept trying to make myself, but i just couldn't do it. i asked my mom to go with me and she said, "jessi, some things you just have to do by yourself." so that was it.... i had to face it alone.

somehow, someway, i gathered up the courage and strength (i use that word loosely because its meaning is so vague and only used to get people to do things they might not otherwise because suddenly, they have this newfound 'strength')...but i get up to go into the room to see you. it was so weird, your body was moving, or twitching, or something..... it was really just like you were sleeping. but how you looked... that's the haunting part. you had aged. no longer did you have the jet black hair that i loved... it was more of an auburn brown. you'd grown a mustache, which i really don't think you would've liked! it was kinda like the kentucky fried chicken guy's mustache, too... long and busy out to the sides! that part was almost amusing but then i got so tremendously sad.

i was mad that i had never been told where your body really was. and i was so mad that you had begun to look like that. obviously i don't know what you look like now or would have looked like had you still been alive, but i don't think it would've been like that. i got so irate that this whole thing happened and i gave a repeat performance of what happened when my family came to school to give me the news about your accident almost 3 1/2 years ago.

this dream was torture baby, but nothing like the last 3 1/2 years have been. i don't know what this dream means, or why i had to dream it now. all i know is that it leaves me missing you even more (if that's even possible). so many times i get so bitter about the way my life is now. i guess that's not fair. God has His plan, right? please tell me there's a purpose to this sometimes seemingly purpose-less life right now. i am so angry that things are happening in my life the way they are. i think, "if cole were here, this wouldn't be happening".... or "this isn't the way my life is supposed to be"... i know i don't have any choice, but man.... it's hard. it's gut-wrenching. it's sometimes incapacitating if i let it dwell in my mind and heart. i still feel empty. i try to keep myself busy to pass the days. but at the end, i still feel the ache. i still wonder what would have been... i still miss you. and ultimately, i still and always will, LOVE YOU.

please help me get through this day with my kids... give me the strength to walk into that classroom and carry out my purpose in there. i know that's what you would have encouraged me to do.

you are the reason i am, you are all my reasons.

eye luv u coley woley,

JESSI BABE

October 12, 2006

Cole each and every day becomes worse and worse without you here. The people we once use to be does not even exist anymore. I have tried and tried to be strong and to love those around me and be supportive but every corner I turn I keep running into a brick wall. Life was just not this complicated when we had you here with us. I hurt people and they hurt me when all in all we just all want to love one another but we don't know how to do that anymore. Honestly you were our angel here on earth and I took so much for granted. You are the one that showed me how to open up my heart and to love my family unconditionally. Now I am absolutely scared to death to even tell anyone that I love them anymore because God just keeps taking them away. If there had only been some way that I could have gone in your place that night. I do not know how to stop thinking about that awful night and how to be here without you. I love you Cole.

October 6, 2006

Cole the hurt is so unbearable. I cannot stand it anymore. I think I have really tried but I just cannot do it anymore.I am so tired of trying to live in a world that I no longer fit in. I love you.

October 4, 2006

tears know no other face quite as well as hers,
she sits in the dark, with nothing to say, nowhere to run;
life flies past her as her world seems to stand still...
pain is shared by all yet it's all so different;
as she wipes the tears from her face,
she screams to the empty sky above...why?
this question never leaves her head;
people smile just as she,
but she asks the question of whether or not it's also a mask for what's happening on the inside...
years have passed since this all began,
and yet she still wonders what is yet to come in her future...

cole....grrr...i miss you, man...i freaking miss you...

britt
j's lil sis

October 2, 2006