Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

almost springtime again... almost another anniversary to pass us by.
someone new has joined you... my friend beth's husband. please show him around and remind him to visit beth and his family as often as possible. it's so hard watching others go through losing the man they loved. it brings it all back and makes it unbearable at times. you don't know the words to say, because there really aren't any. all you can do is pray that God will mend their broken hearts and wipe their tears when they flow so freely.
i can't believe it's almost been 6 years... so much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same. less than 2 months from now, i'll have my master's... i never thought i'd make it this far and this long without you. i remember the days and nights... the long nights... when i didn't know if i could get out of the bed to face the world. i can't look at your pictures right now. it's like those emotions come in waves. sometimes i can look and laugh and remember the love we shared. other times it hurts too bad like a tidal wave of hurt washing over you knocking the breath out of you. and then there is always the thought of... "if only you hadn't died..."
anyway, i need to be getting to bed... it's the last week before spring break, so the kids have been absolutely bonkers lately! they make me smile and laugh, and it's when i am teaching that i know the Lord has a purpose for my life. please take care of all those who have passed on to walk the streets of Heaven.

sleep tight blue angel :*)

Jessi

March 16, 2009

Cole,
I know from what I have read here and what your dear momma has told me, that you are a very special person. Cole, Your Momma is trying so very hard to be brave, she hold her head but but the pain is too much for her at times. Please send her a sign,a beautiful rainbow, if you can. And hug her extra tightly at night when her sense of loss is so great.
Debra,I know Cole has his love wrapped around you, today and always. God Bless.

Anonymous

March 11, 2009

Hi Angel, not a lot of words right now. I love you, I miss you, you were the best child we could have ever hoped for. You could not have been better. We love you so much always and forever. It's spring but it is cold.

Anonymous

March 3, 2009

Cole, please tell Momma Happy Birthday for me. The pain is so unbearable this morning, you are gone, Momma is gone, Snoopy and Powder Puff are gone. The tears just will not stop. I love you Cole.

Love,
Lynn

Anonymous

January 26, 2009

Cole, Powder Puff is with you now. She lived a long life and I took the best care possible of her the last 6 years, but she just couldn't go on any longer. Please take care of her now. I talked to her every night about you before we would go to sleep, I know that she remembered she was your kitty. It will be very lonely here without her as it is without you. My babies are your babies now, love them until I can be there with all of you.

Love,
Lynn

Anonymous

January 24, 2009

Cole you loved us so well so completly. You made us all feel special. Our lives are so alone almost destitute without you. That is why the hurt is so hard so painful tangible. I love you I am always thinking of you every minute of everyday. I too wish that April 25, 2003 was washed away, never happening. I can wish even though it is useless. I understand what today is and the future. I can accept it but I do not have to like it.

Anonymous

January 3, 2009

Happy New Year Cole, please watch over all of us for this new year as you have all the past years. I love you and miss you with all my heart and soul.

Love,
Lynn

Anonymous

January 1, 2009

For Cole's mom, I found this on the last night of the year and knew you needed to know that you have never been left. It was written by Jacky Newcomb.


Still Here….

I saw you stand by my grave

… but I’m still here.

I saw you turn and say goodbye, you waved

…but I’m still here.

I heard you call my name as you slept last night,

I felt your pain and fear and fright

…but I’m still here.



I heard you wonder how you’d cope alone

…but I’m still here

I heard you sob, I heard you moan

…but I’m still here.

I saw as you held your head in your hands,

With the world still full of your time’s demands

…but I’m still here.



I held you in my arms today

…I am still here.

I felt your response because you knew there was a way

…I am still here.

I know you felt my hand as it brushed against your cheek,

I haven’t left your side I’ve been here all week

…I’m still here.



I have a new home where I now reside

…but I’m still here.

Love is still the same from the ‘other side’

…and I’m still here.

From time to time I will pop in to say hello’

I am really sorry I had to go

…but I’m still here.



It is my greatest wish that you live each time

…knowing I’m still here.

Life must carry on and I know you’ll find a way

…knowing I’m still here.

I promise one day, there’ll be an ease to the pain,

And I want you to begin to live your life again

…knowing I’m still here.



You still have so much more of your life to live

…but I’m still here

Your beautiful soul has such a lot to give

…and I’m still here.

Lots more dancing, singing, and fun’

Parties to attend and things to be done

…and remember…I’m still here.

Anonymous

December 31, 2008

i don't know what possessed me to sit here and reread the earliest reflections left for you by me and others. i wasn't having a particularly bad day or anything like that... i just felt like doing it. of course, i'm sitting here crying tears that come on so easily when i allow myself to feel all the emotions. life is hard, and i wonder every day what it would be like if april 25, 2003 had never happened... or at least your "accident"...
i don't know what to call myself anymore in relation to you. i dreaded the day this would come... i've thought about it before but it seems like the more days that go by the more final it becomes. for a while i still considered myself your fiancee... i still had the hope and dream that i could one day be your wife. it's obvious that will never happen. it was obvious then, but the brain is so protective of one after such a tragedy. i couldn't and wouldn't admit that our future was permanently roadblocked. no wedding, no babies, no building a home together, no nothing... except sadness and nightmares and lost futures. anyway, so here i am... no longer feeling like your fiancee, because we will never be married. it doesn't mean i love you any less, it's just that reality is - our future ended on april 25th 5 1/2 years ago.
i want you to know that i still talk about all the time and think about you. it's just different because i know that i still have a long life to live without you. like you told me just days before you died - we had only lived a quarter of our lives. i hope to get back up to washington sometime, probably not during police week tho. while i love the fact that you have such an honor each year, it is so emotionally draining. plus, that's at the end of the school year, and the kids would go nuts without me if i could ever get off.
i do love you cole, and i still think of and miss our time together. i love how you encouraged me to be a better person and how to appreciate time we have with loved ones. you taught me how to love completely and unconditionally. i continue to pray for your mom and dad, and nan and lynn. i know their pain is unimaginable and time is unforgiving. the heartache never lessens, nor do the questions "why"...
~j

Anonymous

December 30, 2008

Hello Angel. I feel so fragle every moment I seem to break. The tears come so quickly and so hard. I do not know what has happened. I simply hurt more than I can stand it. It is as if this will never end. Sometimes I just feel I cannot go another moment without you. I love you Cole and there is simply not another thing that can help. I want my child. I want to see you happy and alive with you carrying your babies and telling me how hard it is to sleep at night because the children keep you up. I hate this thing death that keeps us apart so completly. I hate the way my heart always hurts, and every time I blink there are tears going down my face. I miss you so much Cole, I am having a very hard time right now dealing with the loss of my child. It does not seem like it is 51/2 years it seems like yesterday to me. I love you so much. I do not know what else to say there are just tears, they say the heal, I hope so. Merry Christmas my Blue Angle.

Anonymous

December 26, 2008

Merry Christmas Cole, I love you!

Please tell Momma, Uncle JC and Snoopy I love them and miss
you and them very deeply.

Love,
Lynn

Anonymous

December 25, 2008

Cole, tonight is Christmas Eve and I know your mother and family are missing you tonight.
You will never be forgotten.

The Bond Family

Anonymous

December 24, 2008

another christmas eve is here again...so many of them yet there will be so many more to come without you here on earth. i come to this page often, and like lynn, wonder to myself why i have to be writing to you here. sometimes, most times actually, it seems like the words just aren't enough or won't make sense if i actually manage to get them out, so i just close the window and continue with my day. the holidays are always hard no matter what else is going on in your life. this one is hard in a very different way. i feel like people i love and care about deeply are drifting away. i'm scared that they're making wrong decisions and are in situations that i don't know about and can't help them thru. i still talk about you, and the heartache is still so real. i guess that will always be the case. it doesn't come with an on/off switch. anyway, somehow i've made it thru half of this school year already. these kids are blessings in their own unique way. i'm also almost done with my master's. i can't believe that. 2 more classes and then i'll be walking across the stage again at berry. i know you'll be watching from above, and i know you'd be super proud. i still remember my christmas gift that year - our first official christmas together. i cherish that gift and what it represented. i hope you visit your family at this time of year, especially. maybe if you could linger in their dreams just a bit longer it would bring some peace and comfort... i don't know. i guess there's really nothing that can provide that, now is there? i wish them all happy holidays, even though i know they won't be happy without you enjoying it with them. have fun up there running around on those streets of gold.

Merry Christmas Blue Angel,
~Jessi

Anonymous

December 24, 2008

Cole’s Christmas Gift

This season now, of gifts and giving
But there are some gifts that don’t go under the tree
Such a gift I have for you mom
A wondrous gift from me

You can not hold it in your hand
And it’s a gift nobody can see
It only can be held in your heart mom
Christmas love for you from me

Lights glisten and shine around you
Stars sparkle in the sky
The world still is turning
You’re left to wonder why.

You hold your head up bravely
Trying so hard not to cry.
We’ll be united one day
In God’s time by and by.

So wrap my love around you
It will warm you day and night
And know I am always with you
So close though out of sight

So smile for me this Christmas
May I your face alight
For I am always with you,
Tonight and every night


For Cole' mom.

Anonymous

December 23, 2008

Hey Cole, every time I come on this web page I just sit and stare at this empty space thinking why am I having to write on here to get to talk to you? I remember how it was so simple just to pick up the cell phone and call you and talk to you and laugh with you. I can still hear your voice in my head sometimes. I went to the cemetery Saturday after LaRona's funeral and sat for a while and just talked to you. God is starting to collect quite a bit of my family and friends now. It is really sad coming home now that my baby Snoopy is gone. I keep looking for him every time I open the front door thinking he is going to come running up with his favorite toy in his mouth wagging his tail happy to see me. Sophie misses him something terrible too. I remember that time you came over to the house to set my computer up and you let Snoopy sit in your lap even though you knew he was going to make you sick because of your asthma but you said you just couldn't help yourself because he was looking at you with those big blue eyes and you didn't want me to think that you didn't like him. Maybe he can sit in your lap now without making you sick I hope. I miss you Cole. Do you miss people when you are up in heaven? I guess not probably because you have everything you should ever want up there, it is just us down here that is selfish and wants all of you back. Whatever it is that I am suppose to accomplish down here I wish I could hurry up and do it so that I can move on, I know God has to make that decision but patience has never been one of my better qualities. I love you Cole, please give my Momma a hug for me.

Love,
Lynn

Anonymous

December 18, 2008

Cole, my baby Snoopy is with you now. Make sure he finds his Nanny. He had to suffer in this horrible world just like Momma. I don't know what else I have left anymore.

Anonymous

December 5, 2008

Hey baby happy Thanksgiving. I miss you so much. I love you Cole forever and always.

[email protected]

November 27, 2008

Cole I miss you and my Momma so badly. I just feel so lonely without you now that both of you are gone. I know it has been over 5 years now 6 for Momma but it still hurts just as bad as it did on day one. I've given up on having any kind of relationship it just drains me of all my energy trying. You and Momma both use to laugh and say I would never marry and I guess you were right. I don't know why it is so hard for everyone to understand I just want my family. My friend trys to include me in all of her family activities and I appreciate it but I feel so alone sometimes because I see how happy they are because they all have each other and I feel like I have no one. Thank God I at least still have my babies, Snoopy,Sophie and Powder Puff. PP will come lay on my chest when she knows I am really sad and just purr. Snoopy doesn't like to cuddle much any more just every once in a while. Sophie is still in the playing stage all the time. I couldn't have made it this far without any of them. Cole I love you, please give Momma a hug for me and tell her I miss her deeply.

Love
Lynn

Anonymous

November 15, 2008

Well Boo died today....Big Bummer.., So I guess he is with you. I just hope that asmtha is no more in heaven or you will get me when I get there. I love you Angel. My Doctor tells me it is the time of year holidays and all as to why I am having such a hard time. Gay sira sira whatever and all that. I love you my Angel and I miss you no matter the time of year. One would think I would be getting quite use to this all. Guess not. Sleep well, be well my Angel. All Gods love to us all.

debra hickman

November 8, 2008

ran 5 miles today... most I've ever done. it helps to run... your mind is free. i think of you being able to do anything you desire with your heavenly body. it must be so glorious to have your old body replaced. i haven't been to the cemetery in a while. it's almost like i don't want to go because i know you're not really there anymore. it's getting close to the holidays and those are always hard. i remember the first christmas. i went to midnight mass. your mom came too i believe. i thought my heart was being ripped from my chest. then again, every day felt like that. some days still do. the guy who killed all those people in atlanta was found guilty the other day. you can tell mr. teasley and judge barnes and mr. wilhelm that justice is being served down here. they'll need to pay extra special visits to the ones they left behind in the coming days though. that's already been 3 years ago, but they'll need the strength and love. i don't understand why things like that happen. i guess i never will. my logical brain can't make sense of the senseless. there's no pattern or rhyme or reason... just tragedy and broken hearts and dreams. anyway, i feel like i'm rambling. there's a lot on my heart and mind these days. maybe you can "see" that... actually i know you can because you visited my dreams this week. it's nice to see you again, but it's so hard to watch you drift away.

missing my angel,
j

Anonymous

November 8, 2008

Hello My Angel: I had a treat this morning a baby llama. I call him Boo he is solid white. He is my first baby llama to live. I am so excited about him. He came up to me and let me pet him, he is very strong so I know he will be fine. He looks so fragile but he is strong. I guess these animals will have to replace any grand children I might have had. You will be glad to know that you are the brother of two female camels and a male all my babies raised from a bottle so they think I am their Mom. In some way they give me something to love and love me back. I also have this crazy little dog that I call Lil Jack that want let me out of his sight. We saved him as a pup from Parvo and now he never lets me out of his sight. I hate that it always comes to the next words. I miss you. There seems like there would have to be some other type words to express what I feel. Dismay, mad, lonesome, betrayed, heartache, anger, wonderment, hey whathappened, wrong, just plain wrong, heck if I know, love, love, love. sadness,,,,,,,,I am going crazy, I am crazy. Please don't forget me. I will never forget. I love you, I miss being a part of your life and most of all just being a Mom to you. You were the best, the very best, I could have asked for nothing more. I hope you know that. Happy Holloween my baby.

Anonymous

November 1, 2008

To Cole's Mom,
your reflections to your precious son crack my heart open every time I come here to see how you and Jess are doing. We don't know why God plans things as He does , we can only have faith. May He keep you both in His loving care.

Anonymous

October 21, 2008

Cole, I miss you my dear cousin.
I love you with all my heart and soul forever.
I love you sister.

Anonymous

October 16, 2008

Hello My Angel:

What can I say. I miss you, I hurt, how long til I see you again? It is all the same another day in the journey of life. What life without you. You were the center of our lives. All our hopes, all our love, all our dreams all wrapped up in you. It is so lonley without you. Some days I get so mad that life continues and you don't. Not rationale I know but sometimes I just do not want to be rationale. I get so tired of the drudgery of this all. I miss you Cole, my heart, my soul. Sometimes I hear your words 20 minutes of happiness.. was it worth it? was it worth it? What about my dreams, Jessie's dreams, what about our dreams? Did they not count? and why not? I am sorry I love you with all that I am.

Anonymous

October 16, 2008

hey cole just stopping by to say hey.
keep watching over everyone and especially ga jess.
tell daniel hi for me.
- florida jess

Anonymous

October 16, 2008