Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Thank you for your service Sir, RIP

James Kotke
Civilian / Former Officer
WSF Park Police (Wi.)

July 9, 2012

Rest in Peace, Officer Gaspar. Your sacrifice is not forgotten.

Officer 11169

April 7, 2012

8 years.arill in my thoughts.still missed.still loved... until we meet again.i will love the girls for both of us and tell auri everything she will ever want to know about the amazing man her papa-g was... i will forever go to that place in my heart that belongs to you and i alone.there no time has passed.i see you and hear as if you are here with us.sustanance for my soul... in this world i breathe daily.go through the motions.i relish every moment i am blessed to have on this earth.despite losing you i am thankful for each one... memories of you in songs and smells and things and them.our babies... your smile.the way you would tilt your head.your laugh when you were tired.that dumb tv show.you live on.just like many have said... they have said too that in time the hurt would pass.i am a non-believer.it does not but we try.with
the love and support of so many.we learn.every day a new lesson in life... faith i do have.in a big way and with new hope.our belief says live for the father and life i will have.eternal life.in that life i will see you again and i do all things with that hope. 2day i need you more than ever.you know the heaviness of my heart.where i would go to you in times like this i am unable yet i know you are here... quiet and still i seek your comfort for me and them.we are 3 and yet our hurt is 1.we lean on each other and have learned to keep our heads up.still life it deals its own hand.another trial.tribulation.roadblock - we will be fine.we are blessed.and we focus on that... you and our heavenly father - we ask you both to keep us.safe.together.happy.healthy... and as always i am renewed when remembering you&trusting in HIM... comforted to think of another time when i will see you again.and know HIS kingdom... until then.beloved angel now that guides me - forever in my heart. RIP*

rg...
gg3127... eow 3.04.03...

March 7, 2011

When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down, but even in death the righteous have a refuge - Proverbs 14:32.

You are not forgotten. My heart and prayers are with your children.

Constable Amanda Pandolfi #1249
York Regional Police, Ontario Canada

March 4, 2011

it hurts today g... who am i kidding - it hurts everyday! i miss you... need to know you're near... and love you still <3 i have been spending a lot of time with mom and dad... it gets harder each day - dad asks for you sometimes and it stops me in my tracks... it's been 8 years -- i just say you'll be home later, even saying that out loud stings. i wish it were true. c thomas called about the 110 class reunion. i would have loved to go and see everyone but it was sort of last minute and since my time with kiana is so limited now days - i opted for church with her and baby and some time at home after.... i cannot believe it would have been 20 years for you in the department - wow. i remember the study groups at our house and our lanai lunches during evok and mock crimes.... good stuff - even better memories. today is just one of those days... at work - thinking - i hope you know - noone will ever take your place - for me or the girls... i hope i am still doing right by you when it comes to them... and most of all i am banking on faith that i will see you again one day. my time with auri are a constant reminder of your missing spin on things but i can almost predict how it would go. she'd have you wrapped around her finger and you'd be the proudest papa. when we share about you we call you papa-g. she's gonna know it all... the great man you are, the wonderful daddy you were to her mommy and the amazing angel you will always be for her. she is so much like you and people say it all the time. it is sooooo true. her mannerisms.... and she has this little smirk that says 'i'm my papa-g's girl' all over it. my heart aches the most when i am with her and realize what has been taken from her.... tragic to say the least.... i know i'm just rambling - and i guess my lunch break is almost over. but i was just thinking about how i would call you from work about nothing and just touch base during the day - i miss it. i miss you. i miss what would have been - could have been and should have been. be with me today - i need you. beloved angel now that guides me.... forever in my heart.

rg...
gg3127... eow 3.04.03...

February 15, 2011

I love you and miss your smile.
I'd give anything just to get a phone call to hear your voice just one more time...

Watch over Granny & Granddad, they need you more than ever. Granddad asked when you were coming home the other night :/ Didn't know what to say...

Going to take mommy to work, we needed some us time... come with me for the ride and protect me on my way home..? I know you're there. Thank you Daddy <333

tays.

October 20, 2010

It's been a while since I stopped by here, but it doesn't mean I haven't thought about you. Almost 8 years and there hasn't been a single day that i've wished I could hear your voice... I wish you were here, to tell me to keep my chin up. It seems like the hardest thing to do these days... Everyone tries to help but nothing is gonna stop the hurt. No one understands. No one understands that its a hole in my heart that can never be filled or replaced... you know..? Well i don't know... No one knows... In my group counseling I learned that no two people grieve the same... It took me a while to understand but I finally get it, but it makes my grieving even harder.. :/ It made me understand that like for example: even though you were both me and sisters dad and we lost you the same way the same day, everything the same, it still affects us so different. You can't comfort two people who are grieving the same. I don't know if that makes sense. I never understood that before because I guess I was younger when it happened... But now I finally get it. I get that no one will ever understand how I feel, I will never understand how sister feels, I will never understand how mom feels or I will never understand how Aunty Liz, Ryann and Chad feel. It's a big reality check because it makes you feel more alone then ever. Lately i've been feeling like people really don't understand. I got into an argument with a friend about something and you came up in the conversation and I told her that I have times when I feel content and feel like I can handle my emotions but there are other times when I feel like it just hit all over again and sometimes I feel like its the hardest thing to handle. Like I don't remember how i've handled it for this long and my "friend" said... "It was so long ago when are you ever gonna get over it?!" I was so shocked, but that is the reality of it. No one will ever be able to even imagine what it's like. I learned in group counseling that survivors are literally the strongest people alive because if we can cope with losing a loved one we can conquer anything... Sorry if i'm babbling... Im working on expressing myself and typing or writing is the biggest step i've taken. I think that after hurting so much for so long i taught myself to just hide everything and put on a different mask to everyone and now that i'm trying to face what hurts me instead of covering it, its so hard. It's so new to me. Before this, I can't even remember the last time i've even teared.. I just feel really lonely. I guess its such a surprise to people that I actually have feelings and the reactions aren't really what I expected... I feel like when I open up to people, they either throw it in my face later that I need to get over it or I feel like I make them uncomfortable because they don't know what to say or they feel sorry for me and I don't want to be pitied.. Its hard to explain but honestly its hard for even me to understand because its so new... Im learning how to sort everything out everyday its just hard because everyone either doubts me or puts me down because im not doing things the way THEY think i should... It's a very slow process but I guess you can't reverse 8 years of hurting in one night...

I miss you, everyone remembers how much of a great guy you were. Everyone always talks about you :) it's really cool to see that people still remember... I was at work and Lieutenant Kato came in... I didn't think he recognized me so I didn't really say anything I just smiled and sat him at a table... Then he called me over and asked me if I was a Gaspar and I smiled and said yes. And he said, "I could tell you have the same smile as your dad..." I didn't know what to say, it was surprising to hear that he remembered your smile. But how could you forget it..

Oh oh! And me and Isaac started to polish your rims, they're looking good! I'm hoping uncle greig, granny and granddad will let us have your car.. I sit in it when I go to grannys sometimes and remember all the rides we had... But they want to sell it... I don't understand how they could its one of the few tangible memories we have of you and I would hate to see it be thrown away like that...

Anyway... I miss you Daddy.
I hope I still make you proud.
I love you..
Miss you Daddy.

Big small honey <333

October 20, 2010

Aloha brother, how time flies, I took a chance and checked in knowing your family would have thoughts to share. In the totality of life, it has not been that long, and yet it has. Lots of changes going on, they don't make them like they used to.

There is obviously still a lot of pain. Every time we do an operation I remind everyone about how things can go so wrong. Survived one career and trying to stay alive in the next. Rest, you are not forgotten.

Det. (retired)
Friend and co-worker

July 12, 2010

we always said parenting took two... i doesn't matter how grown they get... they will always need us -- i'll never tire of that. look at our beauties daddy - let us all feel your presence now. i see so much of you in auri and know you would be the most doting grandpa... we all need you near... need you here... and miss you so very much. <3 you sweet g.

rg...
gg3127... eow 3.04.03...

June 25, 2010

the annual alumni luau is this weekend - i know you'll be with us in spirit, brother. i'll remember you always and will miss you forever.

love you,
1-21

1-21
classmate and friend

June 8, 2010

Glen and RG,

Time seems to creep on and on. I hope that you are doing well and watching over all of us. RG, one graduating from High School! Wow. Feel old now. Great to still see you here. May is coming and I hope to do a short program at the YMCA during Police Week to tell the children in our day camp about all those including Glen who have given a gift that only those who do the protecting will ever know. Take care and may God bless you and keep you.

Lt. Stephen Jackson (retired)
Baton Rouge PD

April 15, 2010

sweet g - another year = 7 and it seems like an eternity... it was a quiet day for the girls and i... brought your favorite flowers and had lunch... we sat with you for a bit and talked about how 7 years can seem like forever and just like yesterday all at the same time... the girls are both embarking on such great journey's right now and i know they need you more than ever - i do too g... more than you know... as the years draw on - this new normal becomes what we do - how we do it - but never is it without your influence in some way shape or form... never... hold kiana in your comforting embrace as she nears delivery of auriana... i know she aches for the loving spin you would have had on this whole situation... for her and for austin and for our first little grandbaby... my heart aches for sharing that first with you "on this side"... not completely alone cause i know you are a bigger part of it than we can imagine... i pray that you touch her heart before she gets here that she know you - we will ALWAYS make sure that she knows of you... how could we not... and taysia... our sweet taysia... carry her for a bit daddy... in comfort and protection... in a way that only you could right now - you know what her heart needs... remind her of the strength and the gift she posesses and that she can do anything she sets her mind to... we have seen it in her -- we are so very blessed and the blessings keep coming... thank you for the gift of our girls and the laughter and memories they bring every day... 7 years does not nor could it ever diminish the love we carry in our hearts for you... your influence in our lives and the impact on our souls you left... hold us all in your embrace until we can hold you in ours once again... i love you <3




Another year has passed and you are still admired and respectfully remembered in the hearts and minds of so many.







My thoughts and prayers are with your loved ones and friends on this anniversary of your EOW. You will never be forgotten.

James Sheppard
Father of Sgt. Jason L. Sheppard EOW 12/7/06

rg...
gg3127... eow 3.04.03...

March 8, 2010

Another year has passed and you are still admired and respectfully remembered in the hearts and minds of so many. My thoughts and prayers are with your loved ones and friends on this anniversary of your EOW. You will never be forgotten.

James Sheppard
Father of Sgt. Jason L. Sheppard EOW 12/7/06

March 4, 2010

happy birthday sweet g...
beloved angel now that guides me
forever in our hearts
thank you EJ for remembering Glen
he counted you among his best of friends
today and everyday you are missed and loved...

rg...
gg3127...

January 24, 2010

Glen my brother,
Thinking about you. Your memory lives on and will never fade. God has blessed US with the memory of you my friend.

EJ
Former HPD

January 10, 2010

Dropping by to pay my respects to you, keep watch on us down here from heaven...rest easy brother

Phoenix Police Officer
Brother in Blue

January 3, 2010

Officer Gaspar your work on this Earth as we know it is done. You are in God's Hands now brother. May you rest in peace.

SGT. Daryl Brewer
Clarksville Police Dept. Clarksville, Tennessee

October 7, 2009

So tonight is the Memorial at the capital. Im excited to see how many people come to show their respect to officers like you. Im excited but at the same time im scared because of how emotional its going to get :/

Well i just wanted to stop by and say hi.
i love yooou!

your Big small honey

May 11, 2009

20 years ago today you changed my life forever... what an incredible ride... i thought i would always believe in till death do us part... now i know better... now i know that it never ends and you have continued to live on in my heart... our faith that teaches us that someday we will see each other again is what keeps me going... thank you for that day and all the days that followed... nothing will ever take that from me and no matter what twists and turns life took us through i know what was in our hearts right down to the wire... from the strt of "the discussion" on 2.17 until that last night... you never ceased to amaze me... the hardest thing to think about is the what if???? today i am choosing to remember 4.08.89... the beautiful kawaiaha'o church, robert singing acapela from the balcony, our very large and "diverse" bridal party, the wonderful friends and family, the precious limo ride and serenade, the most georgeous ring i have ever seen and the incredible journey that followed... good and bad... our beautiful babies and the every day gifts they are to me... i will cherish it all forever... miss you sweet angel... miss you... until we meet again... beloved angel now that guides me... forever in my heart!

rg...
gg3127... eow 3.04.03...

April 7, 2009

how's mom, shes awesome.

well i just wanted to stop by.
im hawaiian history, cause we
get laptops everyday so i come
on here to say hi :) miss you.

yesterday sucked a lot, i needed you. everything was my fault and everything kind of sucks. but i know i can get through it. you gave me my strength and i think everyone hates my stubborn-ness. but i dont care. i need to be happy right?

ok, talk later?
love you...

your big small honey.

April 1, 2009

SWEET G... IT'S BEEN A FEW NIGHTS NOW SINCE SONG CONTEST AND ALTHOUGH I USUALLY WRITE AS SOON AS WE GET HOME... I COULD NOT FIND THE STRENGTH... THERE IS SOMETHING BOTH EXCITING AND DEBILITATING ABOUT OUR BABY FINISHING HIGH SCHOOL... AS ORGANIZED AS I ALWAYS PRIDE MYSELF ON BEING I HAVE BEEN STOPPED DEAD IN MY TRACKS THIS TIME AROUND... THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO AND SOME SMALL PART OF ME THAT FEELS IF I DON'T MAYBE SHE'LL NEVER LEAVE... IT KILLS ME... I AM SO PROUD OF HER... YOU KNOW HER GRADES HAVE BEEN STELLER AND SHE HAS BEEN WORKING SO HARD GETTING HER BUSINESS OFF THE GROUND... I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT HELPING HER WITH HER APARTMENT AND GETTING SET UP BUT I AM GONNA MISS HER SO MUCH... IT HAS BEEN THE 3 OF US FOR SO LONG... AT SONG CONTEST I KNOW THAT YOU AND MYK WERE FOREMOST ON HER MIND... SHE ASKED FOR KUKUNAOKALA LEI TO HONOR MYK AND I KNOW AS WAS THE CASE FOR KIANA SHE LONGED FOR THE SPIN YOU WOULD HAVE PUT ON THAT NIGHT... THE FINAL SONG CONTEST... SHE WAS STUNNING AND SO FULL OF PRIDE FOR HER CLASS... NOTHING CAN EVER PREPARE ME FOR THE FEELING I GET WHEN IT'S TIME TO SING SONS OF HAWAII... I CAN ONLY THINK OF THE MANY CONVERSATIONS WE HAD ABOUT THE GIRLS GOING THERE... HOW PROUD WE WOULD BE... IMUA KAMEHAMEHA... I GUESS IT WAS SO EMOTIONAL TOO GIVEN THE EVENTS OF THE LAST WEEK... SPENDING TIME AT THE ACADEMY WITH T AND THE GUYS... IT JUST BROUGHT BACK SO MANY MEMORIES OF THE OLD DAYS... YOU WORKING OUT WITH NICK... COMING UP ON HIS ANNIVERSARY TOO... SEND SOME STRENGTH TO BROTHER T AND HIS FAMILY... JUST SO MUCH GOING ON AS WE HEAD INTO THE MONTH OF MAY... I MISS YOU... MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY I MISS YOU... I AM SO BEYOND BLESSED TO HAVE THE GIRLS EVERY DAY... I AM SURE THAT EVERYONE GETS TIRED OF HEARING ME SAY WHAT BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADIES THEY HAVE BECOME... I WISH YOU WERE HERE... YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND... THE ONLY OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO KNOWS WHAT IT HAS BEEN LIKE TO HAVE DREAMS FOR THEM BEFORE THEY WERE EVEN BORN AND SEE THEM EXCEED OUR EVERY EXPECTATION... WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT KIANA WOULD END UP IN THE MEDICAL FIELD... TOP OF HER CLASS NO LESS... DEANS LIST DADDY!!!! SHE AMAZES ME... OR THAT TAYSIA WOULD END UP BEING A BUSINESS OWNER AT 17??? WITH SO MUCH PASSION FOR WHAT SHE DOES... HOW DID WE GET SO LUCKY??? I CAN'T HELP BUT BELIEVE IN MY HEART OF HEARTS THAT THE SHORT 13 YEARS SPENT WITH YOU WAS ENOUGH OF A FOUNDATION FOR THEM TO ESTABLISH A LIFETIME OF GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS... I AM THANKFUL FOR MY 17 YEARS... AS MUCH AS I MISS YOU THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD TIMES AND GREAT MEMORIES AS OUR LIVES EVOLVE IN THIS NEW NORMAL... THANK YOU FOR NEVER BEING TOO FAR FROM MY THOUGHTS... AND FOR ALWAYS MANAGING TO LET ME KNOW THAT IT'S ALL G... :) OUR FAITH TELLS ME THAT SOMEDAY IN ANOTHER PLACE AND TIME WE WILL WATCH OUR BABIES TOGETHER AGAIN... AND THIS TIME HAS NO END... UNTIL THEN BELOVED ANGEL... YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART...

rg...
gg3127... eow 3.04.03...

March 24, 2009

in group guidance talking about college, need you here more than ever. Me and mom need help :/ oh thankyou for keeping me safe yesterday when I was driving home, I was scared.. Well gotta go, just wanted to stop by. Love you with all my heart..

your big little girl

March 10, 2009

hey alvin - i can't believe six years have gone by without you, brother! to this day, whenever someone stops by my office and recognizes your picture, they have a story to share about you. funny how the conversation always ends with us having a good laugh about something you said or did. oh, the great memories many of us have of you! that's the gift you left us... and i will continue to hold those memories close to my heart. i'll remember you always and will miss you forever.
love,
1-21

1-21
classmate and friend

March 7, 2009

isn't it weird how 6 years go by so fast, yet it feels like forever?


miss you more than ever...
love you even more.

your big little girl

March 4, 2009

Your heroism and service is honored today, the 6th anniversary of your death. Your memory lives and you continue to inspire. Thank you for your service. My cherished son Larry Lasater was a fellow police officer who was murdered on April 24, 2005 while serving as a Pittsburg, CA police officer.

To your wife and daughters: I hold you all in my heart's embrace today. Looking at the reflections I can see that you lost an amazing man who was a wondeful husband and father who is loved and missed by so many. Time never diminishes love. I am also sorry your family was denied justice.

Rest In Peace.

Phyllis Loya

Phyllis Loya
mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater

March 4, 2009