Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Jay,
Its Grapes! I have missed you so much. Its has been a rough time without you. Its about time for the fish to start biting really good. I will never forget the times you said we would go fishing and we never did. Hopefully we will in Heaven together. I really cant wait till I get to see you. God has really helped all of our family and yours get through our pain. You really brought so much joy to us.......
Cant wait to see you again
Love always
Grapes

Kaitlyn Hammond

April 21, 2004

To the Family of Jay Carruth, The Alexandria,LA Police Dept, Co-workers and Friends.

As part of the Police Unity Tour IV,Virginia we ride bicycles over three days a distance of 250 miles from Chesapeake,VA to Washington, D.C.
We ride in honor of Law Enforcement Officers killed in the line of duty during 2003.
This year 146 riders will be wearing a memorial bracelet beginning April 22nd,2004 in honor of fallen officers from 2003. Each rider will wear the bracelet on the entire ride to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial.
It is my honor and priviledge to wear the bracelet in honor of Ptlmn Jay Carruth, Alexandria,LA Police Deparment EOW- February 20,2003.
The next honor will be to present the bracelet to family members at the Candlelight Vigil, Thursday May 13,2004. I will be in my Virginia Beach Police Honor Guard uniform standing by at the panel with Jays name on it awaiting their arrival and pass the bracelet onto them.
It is you, for whom I ride this years event.

Respectively,

MPO Dana W. Johnson
Virginia Beach Police
Virginia Beach,VA
Survivor to LAPD Officer Duane C. Johnson,EOW-12-19-84
President, Old Dominion Virginia, Concerns Of Police Survivors

MPO Dana W. Johnson
Virginia Beach Police

April 19, 2004

I stop by this website often after the death of two dear friends with the NCSHP (Troopers Calvin Taylor E.O.W. October 3, 2001 and Anthony Cogdill E.O.W. May 30, 2003).

We all grieve over the lives lost in the line of duty. I hope you can find some comfort knowing that there are countless prayers that go out for your family. It is obvious from the reflections that Patrolman Carruth was a wonderful man.

These are senseless tragedies that never seem to stop. God Bless the men and women who continue to serve their communities in our great Nation.

...Gone, but never Forgotten....

Marti (EMT-Paramedic)
Haywood Co EMS (NC)

April 4, 2004

Dearest Jay,

I have tried many times to write but, could not finish it. I walk by yours and Davids pictures every morning going to my office I always say " Good Morning Guys". There has been so much happen since you two were taken. I think about that awful day that ya'll were taken. I still dream of it all the time. That day that you were taken I had to go to your house to get your family. This was the first time that I had ever met them and to go to them with the news that my job required me to do.. I will never forget that. That was the hardest thing that I had ever had to do. Even loosing my mother in the tragic way I did was not as hard as what I had to do with your family. Taking them to the hospital then being taken away from them and sent to get other officers' family members, having to stay at another hospital with other injuried officers. Then seeing the SRT officers come in the hospital as a team the looks on their faces the pain you could see in them. I felt so hopeless and all I could do is hug each one. At the funeral home seeing your family then seeing your mother I didn't know if she would even talk to me. And you know your Mom. We did talk, and continued to talk and then became best friends. You already know what an exceptional person your Mom is. She is an inspiration to everyone. We talk everyday. At home when the phone rings my boys always say "Hey Mrs. Pat" . We talk about everything. Your Dad just bought a Harley and he really enjoys it and your Mom rides with him. I am so glad he is doing something he enjoys. We all went to the camp this past weekend Rusty and your Dad worked on the land and your Mom supervised Ha! Your sisters, brother in-laws, your daughters were there, along with your nieces and nephew, cousins, aunt, uncle, and of course my family. We helped the kids fish and it was alot of fun even though there was alot of tangled lines, baiting hook after hook. Margaux caught a fish (it was closer to a minow) but she thought it was huge and of course she had to pet it. We watched the kids play and have a good time they didn't want to leave. Noelle and Hannah are inseparable. It is sad that your girls don't get to see your family much. They don't understand the rules that have been set. Margaux's smile brightens eveyone around her. Just watching her or hearing her talk lifts you up. She made a cake and she said it was beautiful (it was made out of dirt and the candles were sticks). Jarred caught a lizard and she had to pet it and then she wanted to let it go by the big tree so she could see it when she goes to the camp. She wanted to play dolls. she was the Mommy and she was going to the store. she made everyone get in their car seats and she acted like we were at the store with about 5 kids. When we were getting ready to leave your Mom put Margaux in her car seat and she went to sleep before we left the camp. I am so thankful to be a part of your family. they are so special. I am truly thankful for your Mom (my best friend). She come to the
station and of course you know she hugs everybody (she mostly does it to see if they are wearing their vest). And since she started doing that it has made some of the officers think. They now wear their vest. She worries about all her guys (officers) here at the station she of course cares about and loves all of them no matter what they do. She is an inspiration to everyone. There are so many things that I want to say and I know I am forgetting. I thank God for the strength in your family. There is a bond within your family that nothing can break. We think about you everyday. My youngest son Beniloyd said to me "Mom don't worry about them (Jay and David) they are guardian angels watching over all the policeman they are alright we are the ones that have to deal with the pain." Even Margaux tells people "My Daddy is a policeman in Heaven." God sent a precious angel. your niece was named after you "Jaci " she is so sweet. And, I know you are laughing at Amy now because she is going to have a baby and she of course can't believe it . because Hannah is 9 years old. Another gift from God. Of course your third sister Stacie said don't even think about it. I worry about the team. at the station some of the guys are still having a rough time and they worry about your family. I know when we all go to the National Memorial it is going to be rough. But, I am praying for closure and healing for all. I know you will be there. I pray for all those to stand back for the family and friends who are there to honor Jay and David. I have faith that everything will go smoothly. Your Mom is on the way here we are working on the FOP dance and silent auction for this weekend. Well, I am glad I made it. Miss ya dude.
Love,
Lieutenant June Murdock
Alexandria Police Department

Lieutenant G. June Murdock
Alexandria Police Department

March 31, 2004

To Officer Carruth, although I never met you, I can still remember crying when I heard about what happened to you and Officer Ezernack. I just found this website in the last few days since we lost my nephew, Officer John Logan, March 14, 2004. May God Bless Your Family! Thank you for being who you were.

Shirley Roberts

March 25, 2004

WELL WE FINALLY GOT OUR LITTLE "ANGEL" JACI ELIDA..NAMED AFTER YOU! BORN FEBRUARY 22, 2004. WE ALL BELEIVE NOW THAT THE LORD GIVES BACK WHAT HE TAKES AWAY. WE ALL MISS YOU SO MUCH AND IT MAKES ME MAD AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME THAT JACI NEVER GOT TO HAVE HER UNCLE JAY.
NOELLE AND MARGAUX LOVE JACI SO MUCH...BEFORE SHE WAS BORN MARGAUX WOULD ASK EVERYTIME I SAW HER WHEN JACI WAS COMING TO SEE HER. NOELLE GOT TO HOLD HER, THEY DONT SEE JACI MUCH BUT WHEN THEY DO THEY ARE STUCK TO HER. I DONT EVEN GET TO HOLD HER WHEN WE ARE IN TOWN, EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING FOR HER.

ONE OF THE GUYS THAT WORKS WITH LUIS TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY, "YOU KNOW THAT YOUR BROTHER IS YOUR BABIES GUARDIAN ANGEL", I HOPE THAT IS TRUE. GOODNIGHT .... WE LOVE YOU!

CAREY CARRUTH DELACRUZ
SISTER

March 23, 2004

As I reflect on this past year, I find it amazing that we have made it through this year. Spring is here and with all the beauty that surrounds me I still long to see you. Our lives have changed so much, we have made some major adjustments and survived so much pain. I am thankful to be where I am today and I know it is only by the hand of God, that our Family is stronger and I know we will survive the years to come without you here. God has begun to restore so much around us, the blessing of new children, and all the love that comes with children. This tells me God is working so hard to bring healing to our lives, if we will allow him to. I have learned so much from your life and I will take all those gifts and deposit them where they are needed. I am most thankful for the gift of being your Mom, I have come to realize that will never end, I will always be your Mom. Being a Mom is a Gift that can reach beyond the grave and right into Heaven, it never ends. Once again, your life was a blessing to me and to many others and you will always be remembered as our Gift. I will always Love U, Mom

The Christian should never consider death as a tragedy. Rather he should see it as the angels do: they realize that joy should mark the journey from time to eternity. The way to life is by the valley of death, but the road is marked with Victory all the way. Billy Graham
John 11:25 I am the resurrectin, and the life, he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.

Mom

March 23, 2004

Jay,

Wow! Your presence and willpower are still here even though you are not here in the flesh. I firmly believe YOU are working through certain people around me. I thank God that you shared your feelings and thoughts with those closest to you. It makes things easier now. I visited with Kim Williams the other day. We laughed and cried as we remembered the crazy, fun,and dramatic things that used to go on with all of us. It's hard to believe that we were only 16 and 19 when we first got together. That's a lot of memories. She has held on to your Coldplay CD for me. When she and I got together the other day I decided to listen to the song you said was for me: The one that says "They spun a web for me." I cried again........ I haven't listened to that song since the day of your funeral. I believe every word in that song. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, just as I didn't mean to hurt you. Life is strange. How could we ever have known things would turn out like they did? I'm so thankful that you chose a girl like Sunni to spend your latter days with. She and I have become close friends. We understand each other and our friendship has helped us both during our healing process. Noelle and Margaux love to spend time with Sunni and Dylan. They, of course, hold on to the connection with them because Sunni reminds them of you and the times that you all spent together. Thank you for working things out for she and I. Thank you for working things out among others as well. Carla and Janet have been wonderful to me throughout this whole ordeal. Carla was the first one and only one who has talked with me and understood me, offered me comfort and encouraging words. She loved you so much. She's trying to do what's right for the girls and I, what you would have wanted. Noelle and Margaux adore her! You had a great friend in her. Thank you for the years we spent together and thank you most of all for our two beautiful girls. You will always live through them.

Thinking of you always,
Kim

Kim

March 12, 2004

Jay,
It's been a really hard week, we are making our plans for the Washington trip and it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
The SRT Team Has already given you a wonderful ceremony and beautiful Memorial, it will probably mean more to me than Washington could ever mean. The Guys poured all their Love into this monument, and you can feel it when you touch it. Each of them are so special to me, and I thank you for hanging out with the right crowd. I know you are not hurting over anything anymore, and I know we will all see clearly one day when the Lord calls us home, in the meanwhile we will have to be careful not to let others take from us our joy for the things God has given us. I am so thankful I can see the Joys and appreciate God's blessings. I will always Love U, Mom

MOM

March 10, 2004

Jay,
I have read each one of these reflections tonight and I can't begin to tell you how proud I am to call you my friend. I can remember the day you started Ruby Wise, in the 3rd grade. Me, Laura, Julie and Jenny all thought you were "the finest" thing. We became friends in the 3rd grade and I feel honored and blessed to have been a part of your life. Our friendship lasted many years and while I regret allowing "life" to get in the way and distance us, I knew in my heart we would always be close. I am thankful for that "accidental" phone call I placed to your cell in late November. (GOD knew I needed to talk to you, he knew it would be the last time.) Although it had been a while since we had talked, we picked up right where we left off. We crammed alot of life into one conversation. You meant so much to both my Mom and I. I know you probably felt as though we were helping you the summer you stayed with us, but little though you may know how much your staying, helped us. We often talk about that summer. We had fun. We lived, loved, laughed and cried together. I had many friends that betrayed me after Richards wreck and the court drama, but not you, you were the only one who remained loyal to me. I'll never forget that, you were more than a friend, you were like my brother. Through the over 20 years of our friendship, I was around to meet and introduce you to many girls/women in your life (you just had such a way with them), but who would have thought that night we were riding around Alex, in deep conversation (I'll leave it at that) that I would have been introducing you to the girl that would become your wife and the mother to your two beautiful girls. It was a great thing to see two people, young, great-looking, full of life and so in love. I'm thankful and truly feel honored to have played a part in your lives. This last year has been difficult on many who love you Jay and what I realized at your funeral is that you touched so many people because of who you were...inside! I will continue to pray for everyone who knew you Jay: your friends, your Mom, your sisters, your daughters and for Kim. I know you would want that. I love you Jay and I'm just so sorry I didn't tell you that before you left, I'm sorry, but I have to believe that deep down, you knew it. You will always hold a very special place in my heart and in my life.

Your friend,
Kim

Kim Cannone (Williams)

March 7, 2004

Jay- I have to be honest in saying that I don't even know where to start... things just aren't quite right without you and Dave around. I wrote him a little something a minute ago and now I'm writing you realizing that 2 very special people were taken from us. Writing to one friend is hard, but 2 is almost unbearable dude. We sure did have some good times from you letting me "show you how to really ride" the Harley downtown that night to being at your house wondering what in the world you were doing with 2 kitchens and 2 of everything else to Jerrod's killer Christmas party... whew... good times. I saw your mother at this last Christmas party and I am truly impressed at what a champ she is. Everyone just seems to be marching right along, but we are all fully aware that things will never be the same. Can't wait to see you again... Love You Dude.

M Bozeman

March 3, 2004

JAY, ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE IVE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR YOU BUT WITH THIS TIME OF YEAR IT HAS BEEN REALLY HARD TO DEAL WITH THAT HAPPENED. EVERYDAY I TELL MYSELF THAT I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO CHANGE THIS LAST YEAR AND THAT DAY. YOU AND DAVID GAVE YOUR LIVES FOR US AND FOR THAT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO SAY WHAT IT MEANS TO ME. I NOW LOOK BACK AND THINK WHAT COULD WE HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY AND I WISH WE WOULD HAVE. I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF ME AND MY LIFE. LOVE JERROD

J.KING
ALEX P.D.

March 2, 2004

Jay,
I don't know you but I know about you. I met your mom at the Parents Retreat. Your mom showed me the meaning of courage when she conquered the Edge. She inspired me to try and succeed. Your mother and I talk. She has become a good friend.

I know that you were a dedicated professional but more than that you were a caring and compassionate man. I hope that you have met Josh, you have so much in common. You were a true warrior in every sense of the word. I think about you often.

Thank you,

Maxine Clifford, mother of
Deputy Josh Rutherford EOW 5/29/03

February 24, 2004

Jay,

Dude, it seems so long ago that I saw that mischevious smile that seemed to fill the room with an apprehension that you were up to something. You had a confidence that was so contagious, so stong.

I wrote David just a moment ago and pretty well emptied my soul but you need to know that you guys are on my "A" team for always.

I let you guys down in the briefing and I'm sorry. I should have raised holy hell about the holes in the plan but I didn't. I went out of there with the most awful dread. I'm not questioning God, for He above all is holy and pure and His plan is perfection. When I saw the pictures of you with your precious children in the paper the other day it almost made me ill from regret. I'm sorry, J-Man. You and Little E were the best of the best. It's hard for me to talk to anyone about it and I guess I really need to. I miss you guys.

"A coward dies a thousand deaths but the valiant taste of death but once".

Later, my friend, later.

A Comrade

Anonymous

February 22, 2004

Jay,

Dude, it seems so long ago that I saw that mischevious smile that seemed to fill the room with an apprehension that you were up to something. You had a confidence that was so contagious, so stong.

I wrote David just a moment ago and pretty well emptied my sould but you need to know that you guys are on my "A" team for always.

I let you guys down in the briefing and I'm sorry. I should have raised holy hell about the holes in the plan but I didn't. I went out of there with the most awful dread. I'm not questioning God, for He above all is holy and pure and His plan is perfection. When I saw the pictures of you with your precious children in the paper the other day it almost made me ill from regret. I'm sorry, J-Man. You and Little E were the best of the best. It's hard for me to talk to anyone about it and I guess I really need to. I miss you guys.

"A coward dies a thousand deaths but the valiant taste of death but once".

Later, my friend, later.

A Comrade

Pfc. Cliff Slaughter
Alexandria P.D.

February 22, 2004

On Angels ...
"The wings ain't anything but a uniform, that's all. When they are in the field so to speak, they always wear them."
Taken from Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

Jay,
You're not forgotten ...
February 20, 2004

Anonymous

February 20, 2004

I found this poem on the internet several months ago and I was compelled to believe that Jay brought it to my attention for a reason. It was a sign to me to pass it on to the people he loved to let them know that he was okay. So during this time of memorial, I would like you to remember these words and may it bring some comfort to you, Cpl. Whitstine.

Letter From Heaven

To my dearest family
Some things I'd like to say.
But, First of all to let you know,
That I have arrived here okay.

I'm writing this from Heaven.
Here, I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness.
Here, It's just eternal Love.

Please, do not be unhappy
Just because I am out of sight.
Remember, that I am with you
Every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you,
When my life on earth was through.
God picked me up and hugged me
and said, "My child, I welcome you".

"It's good to have you back again."
"You were missed while you were gone."
"As for you dearest Family,
They'll be here later on."

God gave me a list of things,
That he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list,
Was to watch and care for You.

When you think of my life on Earth
and all those loving years.
Because you are only human,
they are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry,
it does relieve the pain.
Remember, there would be no flowers,
unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you
All the things that God has planned.
But, If I were to tell you,
You would not understand.

But one thing is for certain.
Though my life on Earth is o're.
I'm closer to you now,
Than I ever was before.

It was always my philosophy
And I'd like it for you too.
That as you give unto the world,
The world will give to you.

And now I am contented
that my life on Earth was worthwhile.
Knowing as I passed along the way,
I made somebody smile.

So, if you meet somebody
who is sad and felling low.
Just lend a hand to pick them up
As on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street
and you've got "me" on your mind.
I'm walking in your footsteps,
only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.
From that body to be free.
Remember, do not be afraid....
You are coming here to ME.

Love, Jay

Carla

February 18, 2004

Jay,
I can't believe that it has almost been 1 year since you were taken from us. It seems like it was just yesterday that our world changed forever. This morning on the way to work, one song after another played on the radio, songs that did nothing but remind me of you being gone. I put in for a personal day for Friday and I will not send Noelle to school. I can't stand the thought of us being in the same place on the same day this year as we were last year. It makes me sick to think that we were going about our normal business and you were being killed. The girls and I will spend the day together. I plan on watching home movies. I haven't taken them out since you've been gone. Maybe we can get back a little part of you with these. Noelle has begun asking many questions. I answer them as honestly as I can. She misses you so much. I don't know how we'll get through this life without you being here. We love you so much and miss you terribly. Please send us a sign on Friday. We'll be looking.

Thinking of you each and every day,
Kim

Kim

February 16, 2004

Thinking about God's Blessings, thinking about how you touched my life and so many others. I will always love you.
Mom

Mom

February 9, 2004

Jay,

I took Sophie's tent out the other day so that she could play in it and she asked me if I remembered when you came over and played in it with her. It is wonderful that she remembers that being so young, but it goes to show how even though she in only three years old, you are in her memory forever. I think of you every single day and that will never change. I am still so glad that we were able to be such good friends and that I know what a wonderful person you were here on earth. And that anytime your name is mentioned I can proudly say that I knew you and can share my great memories of you. Sophie and I miss you so much but are so grateful that you are really home now. We love you,

Jill and Sophie

JILL

January 14, 2004

Sunni,

Thanks for leaving another message on my fiance's webpage. It was nice to know that you have been thinking of me. I have written you a few emails that have gone unanswered and I wondered what happened to you and how you were doing. Ronda has asked a few times about you. She said she enjoyed meeting you and that you seemed like a lovely woman. I'm sure you are a great person because I'm sure Jay wouldn't have chosen anyone who wasn't to be a part of his life.

Losing Dennis was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through just as I know losing Jay was for you. Somedays I wonder how I will ever make it through the days without him. The one thing that really keeps me going is the knowing that Dennis wanted happiness for me and for those he loved, just as Jay wanted for you. I am slowly attempting to rebuild my life, but it's been a long and difficult process, but never the less I hope that some day I will get to that happiness Dennis desired for me. I hope that someday you will be happy again too. I wish you all the best of luck in the healing process.

I'm in the process of moving back to Canada. I'm sorry I've lost touch with you. Once I get settled I will make a point to call you and see how you are doing. I know I don't know you that well, but you are a friend and will always be one. You and I are bonded by the tragedies in our lives. No one else will ever understand what this experience has been like for us. I will be thinking of you.

Love,

Jocelyne

Jocelyne Brar (Drakesville, IA)
Deputy Sheriff Dennis Ray McElderry's fiancee - EOW (01/01/03)

January 14, 2004

To Pat Carruth:
Thank you for being such a wonderful friend who is such an inspiration to so many people. Your example has been such an encouragement to the many of us who suffer and journey through our grief. Our many conversations have allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings honestly, knowing you understand and unfortunately are experiencing the same.
Your greatest accomplishment, however, is being the mother of Jay. You molded a fine young man and your expressions regarding your mother-son relationship are easy to understand. Jay mirrors you and it is easy to see how we came to love him so. I admire your spiritual beliefs and your determination to survive this tragedy. I regret the circumstances that have initiated this friendship, but I am grateful that it does exist. May God bless you always.

Millie Ezernack

January 13, 2004

Dear Jay,
Thank you for being such a fine officer, father, son, brother and such a special friend to so many people, especially my son, David . Many memories surface as I think of you and I feel blessed that I had the wonderful opportunity to know you personally as well as through David. There are times that I reflect on the day of your E.O.W. and it saddens me so to know your life was so brief in years, yet it comforts me when I think of your happiness in heaven. You live on through your daughters, your family and your fellow officers. The void felt by family and friends is impossible to describe and only strong faith, prayers and support of others makes it possible to live day by day.
Jay, you are an inspiritation to so many of us. Your bravery will blaze the path for many other officers. You have left such an impact on so many lives and for this we are all grateful. Your memory lives on in our hearts. We will love you always.

Millie Ezernack
Mother of David Ezernack - E.O.W. 2/20/03

January 13, 2004

Missing you, I will always love you.
Mom

Mom

January 7, 2004

Jay,
The holiday experience was very surreal for Noelle and I. I still find myself in disbelief when I think of the fact that you are gone. You are gone from this world, but not from our memories nor from our hearts. Noelle has had a hard time lately. She's 8 now, so young, yet so intuitive, thoughtful, and sensitive. At times I think those around her forget that she too is dealing with a loss too hard to bear. She told me that we have to start looking in the sky at night to find the brightest star because Ms. Carla said that you told her in a dream that you were the brightest star in the sky! This I believe, for many nights I have looked to the sky and seen that star! Noelle has bad dreams. Please let her feel your presence and send her sweet dreams. She misses you so much. She's just not the same child anymore. I give her all the love I can, but I don't know that it's quite enough. Margaux asked me this morning, "When we die and go to heaven, will we see Daddy?" I told her yes and she giggled.
We miss you. We love you.

Kim

January 5, 2004