Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

The cry of the city like a siren's song
Wailing over the rooftops the whole night long
Saw a shooting star like a diamond in the sky
Must be someone's soul passing by

These are the streets
Where we used to run where your Papa's from
These are the days
Where you become what you become
These are the streets
Where the story's told
The truth unfolds
Darkness settles in

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength
To carry on, carry on

Don't wanna be a hero
Just an everyday man
Trying to do the job the very best he can
But now it's like living on borrowed time
Out on the rim, over the line
Always tempting fate like a game of chance
Never wanna stick around to the very last dance
Sometimes i stumble and take a hard fall
Loose(?) hold your grip off the wall

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
Carry on

I thought i saw him walking by the side of the road
Maybe trying to find his way home

He's here but not here
He's gone but not gone
Just hope he knows if I get lost

Shine your light down on me
Lift me up so i can see
Shine your light when you're gone
Give me the strength to carry on
To carry on

June 27, 2005

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.


Scott,

30 today. I can no longer celebrate this day without remembering the life and dreams we had together. You made this day even more special to me. Before this day was a special day to signify my entry into this world to be a joy to some and a curse to others :) jk (I do miss joking with you in our off-beat sense of humor way!).

You were able to share two birthday's with me. You had me hiking a mountain the first - I still think you fudged the distance to get me to walk it, if I'd known it was going to be a 4 hour hike uphill I would have saved my behind some pain! :-) But, I'm glad you did. What a beautiful sight! I love the pictures we took up there. I came across some pictures we took from that trip. Wow! The scenary was breath-taking. I had a great time that year. One of my favorite times during that trip is when I would read to you as we were driving. :-) The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich - what a novel! I miss reading to you. I seemed strange, but it was something we both loved. I read to you the other day when I visited you. I don't know if you would have liked the topic of the novel - Ellison's Invisible Man, but it's what I'm reading at the moment.

The next birthday you proposed to me. I'll never forget that birthday. I was even cranky that day because I had class that morning and had a two hour window before work. I smile when I think of how you would tell people you saved 200 by giving me the ring that day! (I miss your humor) You had recorded the occasion. I remember the day I found the mini-cd. I miss hearing your voice. I miss the way you would say "hello, hello".

I miss so much about you. I miss how you would try to get me to kiss you when you annoyed me. I miss how you would give me that look or say my name in that exasperated voice when I would do things without thinking. I miss you singing in the shower off key, and snapping your fingers off beat.

I just miss you. I miss talking to each other without words, and how we could read each others moods.

You gave me comfort our whole time together. You showed me how beautiful a relationship can be. Maybe, we were in each others lives to give the other comfort and share a deep love. They say there's a reason for everything. Nothing is a mistake or surprise, it was all planned before we were born.

I'm coming to accept this about your death. I just have a difficult time accepting the manner of your death. Why did you have to die that way? If it was an illness or a no-fault freak accident I might be able to accept fully it was your time to go home, but it was murder. Someone deliberately decided to end your life. This makes it harder to accept it was your time. That would be saying that *%#@ was an instrument of God. I cannot believe it.

I guess all my questions will be answered when I join you.

I'll save a piece of my cake for you. You would love it. A brownie cake covered in fudge frosting with carmel swirls and nuts. I'm not near the chocoholic you are, but I LOVE brownies. I wish I could leave it with you, but I cannot. It wouldn't be good for the animals - to much chocolate!

It would be perfect for your birthday. If you were here to enjoy it. Your birthday is in 15 days. I read there's going to be another blood drive in your honor. Wonderful! :) I'm very happy about it. I think it's a commendable way to remember you. I hope there will be a good turn out. I didn't make it last year and I won't this year, or next. You know my reasons, plus I cannot give blood. I wish I could, because I would give, take, or do anything for you or about you! But, I cannot. But, there are a few things I can do.

Besides, the All-Star game is being held that day. They restricted 6 days ending the 13th! We'll probably have to work 12s. They are making us work 12s for the fireworks wednesday. They're afraid the blue flu will go around again. They're laying off they say 800, but I'm thinking 400. You would not like how the department is going. I could see you coming home saying "that's it we're moving to Seattle". Towards the end you kept bringing Seattle up, you said if they put camaras in the boosters we would be gone. Well, they did it.

Wow, another long one. This is what happens when I don't allow myself to talk to you! I wanted to post a week ago, but the day I went to post your mom posted and I didn't want to push her message down. So, I waited until my birthday to talk to you.

Writing here feels more like talking to you than anything else. I just cannot be my normal blunt self, and I cannot make you blush like I use to do! :)

I loved that face!

I love you,
Monica

June 27, 2005

MISS YOU, LOVE YOU
MOM

June 14, 2005

Looking at the raindrops, as they glisten from the trees,
Looking at the clouds go by, wondering where you might be.
Are there nursery rhymes and things that help you get to sleep?
Do things seem sad where you are that causes you to weep?
I hear the warmth and bright lights too, keep you safe and sound...
I hear the angels that pass you by, let you know when they're around.
Can you see me where you are, do you know that I'm ok?
Do you see me smile right now when someone says your name?
Are you surrounded by your old friends and family you never met?
Are ya wishin you could hold my hand and tell me there is no regret?

Sometimes we folks that get left behind are sad because you leave...
We always think, when times are sad, that we're the ones who grieve.
You never hear someone say "I wonder if they're sad?"
You never hear them say "Do they miss the things they had?"
The only thing you ever hear is "They're in a better place..."
For me, I'll say right here and now--I'd love to see your face.
I'd love for you to tell me that you grieve a little too.
So as we sit and watch the raindrop a glisten on that tree...
I'll stop and wonder, from time to time, if it's a tear that was meant for me.

You are missed…

May 26, 2005

Goodbye

May 20, 2005

Someday....
Linda Drewes

I sit and hold your picture
As you looked so long ago.
I wonder, how would you look
Were you here with me today.
God had you in His plans that day
You were lifted from my arms.
But still, as days go passing by,
My eyes keep searching, everywhere.

My heart is still as broken
As it was that other day, and,
Though the years have passd and gone
I'll love you, each and every day.

And if the Lord gave me one wish
I wouldn't think, not for a second.
I'd ask to see your face, my son,
For just a single, fleeting minute.

You're locked up deep within my soul,
And etched into my heart.
And when the time is right, my son,
I'll once more fold you into my arms..........

Someday..........

May 19, 2005

Footprints on the Heart

Some people come into our lives
and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us
to new understanding
with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make
the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts
And we are never, ever the same.

May 19, 2005

TO THE FAMILY,
YOUR SCOTT WAS A TRUE HERO,I REMEMBER LOOKING AT THE WALL IN D.C. AND THINKING TO MYSELF HOW HURT YOU GUYS MUST BE. HOPE YOU GUYS STAY SAFE........

May 18, 2005

Hi Scotty,
Just me again, forgot to Thank You for all the pennies in DC. It did bring a smile when I found one.
Love you
Mom

Audrey Stewart
Mother

May 18, 2005

Hi Scotty,
I did it, rode in the Law Ride, it was awesome. You looked in front and behind you motorcycles every where. Andrea made me a shirt with your picture on the back as always she did a great job. Andrea, Deb, Jordan(she was so excited) and I rode in your Honor. Debbie and Amanda Nagle rode in Honor of Jessica, and "Carol" from St. Hts. for Mark Sawyers. I would like to Thank the person that gave me a ride (Famous) he was so patient and answered all my questions. Also Allen Arrington for arranging the ride for me it was so great. After the ride we met at the wall and I even had a shot of Hennesy I think it will be my first and last time.

Your two great friends and their families from Sterling Hts. left you a wreath.I looked for the wreath and knew I was by your name.

Your Dad and I with some friends went to Arlington Cemetery, we were watching the Changing of the Guard (its so quiet or suppose to be) when my cell phone went off, I was mortified, I usually remember to turn it off. It was Lopez telling us goodby, he was on his way home. I could hear you laughing up there.

We wanted to watch the Bagpipes come in but as we started out the wind picked up and it started to rain. Your Dad had gone ahead of us so he did get to see it, even though it was raining he said it was something to see. Hope to see it next year.

The family went to the wall on Mon. to say good-by, it just seems like part of you is there, so it was rather hard but we will be back next year. I know you were with us watching over everyone, and doing a lot of laughing at some of the thigs that went on.

Will always miss and think of you, with lots of love and hugs, Mom

Audrey Stewart
Mother

May 18, 2005

Scotty,

The family made the trip to DC again this year. We have made it every year to honor you. I think that is was a very good weekend for the family. We had a lot of support from friends.

This weekend was spent with a lot of people that we have met since your death. Dad went out with us a couple of times, he enjoys his time with the guys. It will never bring you back, but the stories we hear of you does put smiles on our faces.

Mom, Debbie, Jordan and I did the Law Ride in your honor again. We even lined up rides for three other survivors. They all thought it was an amazing experience. The guys that gave us all rides were wonderful.

Overall the weekend brought our family even closer. We were with people that we have become very close to. Monday, when we went to the wall to see your name for the last time this year, I just sat there and wished we weren't there, because then that would mean you were still with us. You are my little brother and you should still be here to enjoy the family you would have had. You would have been such a great dad and everytime one of the guys played with the girls this weekend, I kept thinking that is what you would have done with Jordan, Haley, or Shelby.

Our lives are finally going in positive directions. I know that you are doing this and you are doing your best to make sure we have good lives. The only thing missing from our lives is you.

I miss you very much and could really use a huge hug from you right now. Keep watching over us, especially your three girls. They need their blue angel to keep them safe and sound.

Love you,
Andrea

May 17, 2005

Scotty,
Your family is absolutely amazing...but you already know that! This was my first trip to DC. Your mom took me under her protective wings as usual. And your sisters...I don't need to tell you what special people they are!!

Audrey, you came through for me AGAIN! I dont know how I can ever begin to thank you for the things you have done for me over the last year. Being a part of the Law Ride was so important to me! A once in a lifetime chance. You looked like a natural on that motorcycle! I do want to know one thing though....Where were you for the shot of Hennesy? UUGGHHH! (wink wink)

Thank you for everything from the bottom of my heart!

Sent with love,

"Carol"

(I hope that made you giggle)

May 17, 2005

RIP brother. There are great memories of you at the wall in DC.

Officer
North Carolina PD

May 17, 2005

Scott,

I went to Police Week this past weekend. My second time. Very different from the first time. This time it was more peaceful and less stressful. There were still the moments of sadness and melancholy, but that is to be expected.

Once those moments came. I had to change them. I had whoever I was with tell me a funny/stupid story about their officer. To see the smiles and laughter when they started to recollect their officer was a very precious sight. It would work. I find that this is how to keep your memory and all the officers memories alive. Talk and laugh. Don't cry. Well, sure cry, but only for a minute, but find a smile for your officer right after.

It was an eventful weekend. You probably would have been laughing at me for missing my flight out of Detroit, or giving me one of your looks. I thought it was funny. I'll probably be late for my own funeral. At least I'm not late for work! I'm normally early. Go figure. I walked around the airport talking with other MI survivors as I waited.

I've met and corresponded with so many people over the past couple of years. I could not walk a panel without putting a name with a family or person.

The tributes were beautiful. It was so nice to see all the photos of the officers on the wall, not in uniform, enjoying the lives they once had.

Your family left you a very nice wreath with photos and poems. Some of them were from your girls. So cute. I was amazed at how big they are now.

I left a collage in your memory. This time I was able to find some chocolate stickers to put on it.

Someone also left you a bottle of Hennesy.

The New Jersey Pipe Band played for you. They also saluted you along with their fallen. They would stop at every panel and salute it if their was a New Jersey officer on it. I didn't know they were going to do this. They surprised me.

Watch out for them. They are a great group of guys. One of them is from Cherry Hill. He was browsing your collage with me and I was explaining to him how you've been in every state except Alaska. He said he has also. He said he normally goes on his own hiking, like you did. He said he was going out west hiking this summer and when he finds a beautiful spot he'll bring his bag out and play for you. I know you'll like it.

I remember all the celtic music you use to download, I could help but think about how you played this music at home. You would have loved sitting in the Tavern listening to the Irish singer, the bag pipes, and laughing at the guys singing lewd Irish songs. OMG, some of those songs!

The best part of the whole weekend was talking about you with others. I never tire from it.

I ran into some Sterling Heights cops. They told me your mom went on the Law Ride. How cool. Your mom on a motorcyle. I would have loved to have been able to see that!

One also told me about the night Bandy died. He said the officer calling out the directions as they were conveying Bandy to the hospital was flawless and commendable. I remember you telling me you conveyed. My memory is not that good, but at least it's better than yours!! :) LOL. I'll have to listen to that tape. I didn't want to do it at first, but now I do, just to see. He said it was the best he's heard in years (old timer).

So, much happened this weekend, thank God none of the drama had to do with me! LOL. I still don't understand all the negative emotions and selfishness that comes with death.

I don't know how many times this weekend I told someone "it's not about you, it's not about them, it's about the officer!" I don't get it. I guess I must be trying to live a pipe dream thinking everyone could be man enough, or big enough to put their differences, gripes, etc. aside to honor the person who basically is the reason they are in DC! As if their officer would have been happy with them not being cohesive.

I met Lopez again. He made me laugh for the few minutes he was with me. Good guy. He said your parents are giving him the Platoon sign you had in the garage. Good. I'm glad. I know he wanted it.

I'm selling our home, sweetie. I wish I could still live there, but It's too hard and my life moved forward, but I've taken you with me every step!

It's still staying in my family. I'm glad about it. It must have been fate. It was on the market for a year! I did so much work to it you would have been proud, but it's not as good as if you would have done it! She wanted to buy it back in the fall, but had to wait for her house to sell. She said if it was still on the market she was buying it, and it was still on the market, so she's buying it.

I had to go through what was left of your belongings. So hard!! I put it off as long as I could. It's not easy for me to say good-bye. Those things were a part of you and it was like saying good-bye again. You kept everything! OMG, every pcr, every notebook.

I hope your parents and sisters will enjoy having those belongings. I did not toss one item of yours. I won't do it. I cannot do it. It would be like tossing you.

You had a lot of medals. I wonder if some were doubles, because I gave a lot to your parents before and then I found more. I gave your parents a shadow box to display them. You had them tossed everywhere! I found lot in the nail box! I could see me wagging my finger at you if you were here!! LOL. Don't worry just the chin would have stuck out. It wasn't enough to raise my eyebrow! :) You knew what it meant if both went out and up! That's when you would start to try to make me laugh, by puckering your lips and saying "love you" until I started to laugh! (remembering this always makes me laugh and smile)

Wow, I wrote a novel again. I had someone tell me they read the things I've written. All I could say is "so, you read my naked truth" and laugh. What I write is what I feel and have experienced over the past few years dealing with everything about your death. Almost 3 now! You know me, I'll stubbornly lift my chin and dare someone! LOL. Nothing bad, all good!

Until next time,

I love you,
Monica

May 17, 2005

"Always in our hearts,
Always in our words,
forever young, forever blue.
Our Guardian Angel."

Hi Scotty,
Last night was the Officers of the Year Awards Banquet. We gave out the 2nd Scott Stewart Award, and so happy to give it to your friend and partner.
It was so nice seeing alot of your friends, you know your Dad enjoys that.

Watch over all Police Officers, keep them safe.

The family is doing fine, alot of changes. Jordan, Haley and Shelby are growing up so fast, not babies anymore. I know you are keeping your eye on them.
Not a day goes by that we don't think of you and miss you, but that is the way it will always be.
Lots of hugs and love,
Mom

Audrey Stewart
mother

April 30, 2005

"His Journey's Just Begun"


Don't think of him as gone away--
his journey's just begun,
life holds so many facets--
this earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

And think of him as living
in the hearts of those he touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost--
and he was loved so much.

--E. BRENNEMAN

April 28, 2005

Monica,
I'm thinking of you today and every day. I pray that the Lord will wrap you up in His comforting arms, as you walk life's journey without Scott. Continue to focus on the wonderful memories you and Scott made together, and the beautiful love you shared together. Scott is forever in your heart. I'm here for you always,
Love,
Kelly
"Josh's Kelly"

To Scott's Family & Friends:
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know that you all miss Scott very much. I pray for comfort for all of you.

Kelly Gillain
Sig. Other to Deputy Sheriff Joshua E. Blyler EOW 5.2.04

April 26, 2005

I was thinking of you and your family today. Your family has such tremendous strength and courage. I admire them for that. They have treasured the friends you left them and those friends have made your family their own. In your life and death you touched many people who will always remember you. I know as you sit watching your family and friends you must smile with pride as they remember and celebrate you and your life everyday. Please continue to watch over everyone and guide them with your love.

April 21, 2005

Stewie,
It's been a while since I left you a message here. Well, as you know I have had alot of changes recently. I left DPD, had a baby boy (Brendan). So many things changed after you left us, the crew was not the same w/out you around. Everybody went their separate ways. I think of you often and am always talking about you and your quirky ways. I wish you were here but, I know that you are in a better place. Thanks for keeping an eye out for me and protecting me on all those dark nights. Please continue to keep an eye out for me (even though not much happens where I am at now).

Micah

PO Micah Hull
Garden City Police Department

April 15, 2005

Scotty, just wanted to let you know that you are in our daily thoughts and prayers, as are your parents and all your family. They are holding strong! You're loved and missed by many.

Michigan

April 14, 2005

At the rising of the sun and at its going down, We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of Winter, We remember them.

At the opening of buds and in the rebirth of Spring, We remember them.

At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of Summer, We remember them.

At the rustling of leaves and the beauty of Autumn, We remember them.

At the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them.

As long as we live, they too will live; for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.

When we are weary and in need of strength, We remember them.

When we are lost and sick at heart,
We remember them.

When we have joys we yearn to share,
We remember them.

When we have decisions that are difficult to make, We remember them

When we have achievements that are based on theirs, We remember them.

As long as we live, they too shall live, for they are a part of us, as we remember them.

Scott,

I was in your precinct the other night. First time in almost 2yrs. I had to stop by Corbett. It just seemed so surreal to be standing at the spot you fell, in full uniform, surrrounded by dope-boys, pouring a bottle of chocolate milk out onto the spot your blood covered. Some might have thought I was crazy. I know they were watching me, but even they know what paying respect to a fallen love one looks like.

I have to say that area makes 11 look like a resort! No wonder you loved it! I was there for a few minutes and saw the pickings. It felt good to roll the streets hard again. Got a gun! On my way into the station I thought about how you would have loved it!

It just seemed so weird to look at your face on the wall of rememberance with the other 9th precinct fallen officers. It's still tugging at my heart.

I miss you more than you can imagine.

Watch out for everyone. The spring is already becoming hot with violent incidents. The summer will probably be hotter.

Be safe everyone.

I love you honey,

Monica

April 9, 2005

Scotty,

Someone needs your help. Please keep watch over them and lead their lives in the direction it should go. They have many paths that they could follow right now and I think they need you to point them in the right direction. Be that angel that you were sent up there to be!

The family is doing good. I am sure you are in spirit with Dad and Scott, keep them out of trouble...lol. I think overall life is going good for the Stewart clan, the only thing missing is you!!!!! Keep watch over everyone. You are always in our thoughts!

Love,
Andrea

April 7, 2005

In Memory of You

I find an old photograph
and see your smile.
As I feel your presence anew,
I am filled with warmth
and my heart remembers love.
I read an old card
sent many years ago
during a time of turmoil and confusion.
The soothing words written then
still caress my spirit
and bring me peace.

I remember who you used to be
the laughter we shared
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?

Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.

I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.

Your spirit has become for me
a guardian angel on high
guiding, advising, and watching over me.

I remember you.
You are with me
and I am not afraid.

March 31, 2005

Scotty,

Another holiday without you at the table. Thought about you alot. The girls spent the night and they were talking about pets during breakfast and Shelby said that their dog had just died and he was up in heaven with Uncle Scotty. Then she just continues with her breakfast. They talk about you a lot.

Thank you for watching out over all of us, I think that all of our lives are headed in a positive direction. We miss you and those big hugs!

Love,
Andrea

The girls all wanted me to tell you HI!

March 28, 2005

Scott,

Happy Easter. The below was given to me with the instructions to replace the name with who I love and want to remember. I modified it slightly to fit. Funny thing is I can see you having the below discussion with me about life. I miss those discussions.

I hope you're happy in Heaven enjoying God's blessing today.

I miss you,
I love you,
Monica

Scott's Hands

Scott, some thirty-one years, sat on the patio bench.
He didn't move, just sat with his head down staring at his hands.

When I sat down beside him he didn't acknowledge my presence
and the longer I sat I wondered if he was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb him but wanting to
check on him at the same time, I asked him if he was OK.

He raised his head and looked at me and smiled.
Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, he said in a clear voice.

I didn't mean to disturb you, Scott, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK, I explained to him.

Have you ever looked at your hands he asked.
I mean really looked at your hands?

I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them.
I turned them over, palms up and then palms down.
No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I
tried to figure out the point he was making.

Scott smiled and related this story:

Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, and
how they have served you well throughout your years.
These hands have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and embrace life.

They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler when I crashed
upon the floor.

They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back.

As a child my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.

They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots.

They dried the tears of my nieces and caressed
the love of my life.

They held my rifle and wiped my tears when I went off to war.

They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent.

They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn niece.

They showed the world
that I was engaged and loved someone special when I placed the ring on her finger.

They wrote the letters home and trembled and shook when I buried those I loved.

Yet, they were strong and sure when I fired at someone trying to kill my partner and lifted a fallen officer and rushed him to the hospital.

They have held children, consoled neighbors, and shook in
fists of anger when I didn't understand.
They have covered my face, combed my hair, and
washed and cleansed the rest of my body.

They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken, dried and raw.
To this day when not much of anything else of me works well
these hands hold me up, lay me down, and fold in prayer.

These hands are the mark of where I've been and
the ruggedness of my life.
But more importantly it will be these hands
that God will reach out and take when he leads me home.
And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I
will use these hands to touch the face of God.

I will never look at my hands the same again.
Now, I remember God reached out and took my Scott's hands
and led him home. When my hands are hurt or sore, or when I stroke the face of my love ones, I think Scott.

I know he has been stroked and caressed and held
by the hands of God.

I, too, want to touch the face of God
and feel his hands upon my face.

(Author Unknown)

March 27, 2005