Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Sending you lots of hugs.
Miss you, love you.
Mom

Audrey Stewart
Mom

October 17, 2005

Drove by Corbett. The street borders my precinct now.

The house is still abandoned, and has deteriorated more since the last time I stopped. For some reason seeing this made me feel good. The place should reflect what happened there, a death. It wouldn't feel right for it to be filled with life, laughter, or love. (I know I'm giving them to much credit)

I always think of you, and I know this won't be the only time I stop by there. You died there, and for some reason, the place is special to me, but I don't ever want it to be cheery or reflect any type of happiness.

Love you,
Miss you,

October 13, 2005

Taps and Reveille

"For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command,
with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and
the dead in Christ will rise first." 1 Thessalonians 4:16

The tiny chapel was packed with people who were there to pay their
respects. Even the old, squishy sofa in the back, along with the two
funeral home wing back chairs, were filled. Dripping umbrellas were scattered
about the floor. Outside, the clouds kept steadily weeping. But inside,
the glow from the lights was soft, the rose drapery soothing, and the
beautiful flowers looked peaceful.

There were hugs and smiles, and tears. Whispered greetings were
exchanged. A hush fell, and the memorial was underway. Two young men, in uniform, marched in silence. With a precise 90-degree turn,
they faced forward, stock still, like statues.

Many people from all stages of Scott's life, shared words of
remembrance. The music and scriptures were comforting. A kind gentleness pervaded
the atmosphere as we came together to celebrate the life of our friend, fiance, son, brother, and uncle.

The service was drawing to a close. A member of the Honor Guard came
forward, precisely turning. Just before he began the flag-folding ritual,
honoring the deceased for serving our country, the other Guardsman put
his trumpet to his lips.

Taps broke into my solitude. Reverence overtook and engulfed me. As the
haunting, melodious strains of Taps rose and fell, my heart went
heavenward, toward my Creator.

At that moment, the picture came to my mind of our friend, now with the
Lord. A vision of a clear, bright morning in heaven, with Reveill being
played.

Taps: a military signal to turn the lights out; Reveille: a bugle call
at sunrise. One here; one there.

That is good news.

Scott,
Love you!!!

October 13, 2005

In your life you were a generous, strong man - your humor and sincerity kept us on our toes. Your friendship never waivered. Your police work was exemplary, and you made your life legendary. In your death you left a huge void. Every one of us have different stories, emptiness, and loss. You left to us a family that has become a true part of who we are today, and they carried us- when we thought we couldn't go on. Imagine...Their love got US through. We can't tell you enough how much they mean to us, but I believe in my heart that YOU know. In the years you have been gone we can only hope to honor you with the respect, admiration, friendship and love that we feel for them. They are so genuine. Their humor, their kindness, their genetic love of chocolate - it is all them, and yet a reminder of you. Thank you for everything you gave to us so selflessly in your life, and thank you for everyone in your family that you left us with your departure. Another great man greeted you recently, I know you'll show him around for me. His last trip was to honor your memory, and we were able to honor him also. Enjoy each other. Your strength, sense of humor, and yes - love of chocolate, will give you both many stories to share until we all hook up again. Love to you...

October 2, 2005

in life you can choose to laugh or cry, I think it is time to laugh

October 1, 2005

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
and if only you could see into me
ha ah ah ah ah ah

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me

when you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in
i will show you you're so much better than you know
when you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again
i will find you darling and i will bring you home

and if you want to cry
i am here to dry your eyes
and in no time
you'll be fine

you think i'd leave your side baby
you know me better than that
you think id leave you down when you're down on your knees
i wouldn't do that
i'll tell you you're right when you want
and if only you could see into me
ha ah ah ah ah ah

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby

oh when you're cold
i'll be there
hold you tight to me
oh when you're low
i'll be there
by your side baby



Another day gone, one more closer to you.

Love you
Monica

September 29, 2005

You were truly a remarkable man. Rarely do you find an officer who possesses the drive and determination to do their best everyday to put felons away. You were an inspiration to myself and others.

I read all the reflections left by Monica and your family. You are truly lucky to have such dedication and love from all of them, especially Monica.

Your family is always going to love and miss you, it's expected, but to continue to hold the love of a woman after being gone 3 years is remarkable.

Monica had to move forward and has a family, but she continues to love you, she hasn't left you behind for her new man and child, it's evident in everything she writes to you.

You should see her face when she speaks of you. It lights up. You can see how much she loves you in her eyes.

You truly are a lucky man to have such a woman. She took good care of you when you were alive, it was evident to anyone who saw you together, and she continues to take care of you, you should see the memorial page she created for you. It shows your life and includes everyone, not just her. She did a great job honoring you at home and at work.

Stew, you are greatly missed by everyone. Keep watch over us.

September 29, 2005

Hi Scotty,
Headed out for the parent retreat Fri.-Mon.I will laugh, cry, give and recieve lots and lots of hugs.The retreat gives me such healing and comfort. Will talk to you when I get back.
Miss you, Love you
Mom

Audret Stewart
mother

September 28, 2005

Monica,
As I sit here and read the messages you write to Scott I cry my eyes out. You are so in-love with him and it just breaks my heart that he was taken away from you. I don't know if I could be as strong as you are. I am going to school to become a police officer and it may be hard to believe but coming to this site just makes me want it more. Detroit is where I want to be, but with the layoffs it got put on the backburner. You are in my prayers, as are the other fiancee's, wifes, girlfriends, and signigicant others of officers down.
Rest in peace Scott, you will never be forgotten.

Ashley Edgemon

September 27, 2005

Audrey,

I read this today and thought of you,

Rest in peace beloved son

Every morning when I awake
an empty heart now my fate
angels hold you in my place
in heaven you'll have your space

And each day that I may live
I'll think of you and what God did give
in my mind you will always be
and in your memory I'll plant a tree

Every night before I sleep
I will have a lil weep
rest in peace beloved son
I love you ..... I love you
God seems to have chosen a good one

You and your family are in my prayers

September 27, 2005

Scott,

I know we never met but b/c of yours and Joey's death I have had the privilege of meeting your fiancé. I now know with every tragedy there can be a blessing. Monica has helped me deal with Joey's death more so than anyone in years. She actually let me know that it was o.k. to be angry, sad, happy, etc. I just want you to know how lucky you were to have such a wonderful woman in your life. After spending a year of friendship with Monica I have had the honor of hearing beautiful stories about the life the two of you shared. Scott, I have read numerous reflections sent to you by family and friends and I know you must have been a remarkable person. Please give my Joey a big hug for me and let him know that I miss him. Monica and I have said on numerous occasions that you and Joey seem so much alike that you are probably the best of friends in Heaven. Thank you for the dedication you had to the badge and rest in peace because you will never be forgotten on earth.

Monica,

Thank you for being such a wonderful friend. Rarely in someone's life do they find a person who has endured the same pains. You and I have been through some tough times but I find comfort in knowing that I always have you to listen. I thank God that you created the fiancé board as a way for all the girls to communicate. You are such a strong woman and I admire your dedication to Scott's memory. Monica, you are an inspiration to so many of us and I am so glad to call you my friend. Love ya girl.

Dana R. Moody
Fiancé of Deputy Joey C. Rodgers
Florence County S.C

Dana Moody
Fiance' of Deputy Joey C. Rodgers

September 27, 2005

Hey Pumpkin,

Having a good time up there? :)

They reorganized the department yesterday....what a cluster! LOL... We are now covering 11 and 7's area including Belle Isle. The whole area... they broke it down into 7 Sections and one squad car is covering each section and some might have 2. So NE (Northeast)1-1 covers an area from Woodward to Ryan, 8 mile down to 6 Mile.... They say we're not to leave our area or answer runs anywhere else... yeah, okay...

They said this was going to put more officers on the street... whatever... There's less. Tonight we had 9 running and there's a 10 car minimum in a 20-25 square mile high crime area. So, at least the OT isn't going away. Gotta love the city.

I'm working the street again. Almost got T-boned the other day. A unit was following a stolen mini-van and only gave out the first direction. We pulled to the end of the block where our run was and the car blew by us a 100mph. Thankfully, for some reason, my partner came to a stop at the intersection before turning otherwise I would either be with you or in a chair.

I know how you disliked chasing. I love it, but not like that. You loved guns, and I loved cars. You thought I was crazy because I loved to get into a chase, and I thought you were crazy when you would say you wanted to be in a least one shooting a year!

Sometimes I wish I would have opened my mouth more with you about that. But, I understood your reasoning, it's the same feeling behind my love of car chases.

I'm getting my feet wet again, Got a gun the other day. Nothing big about it, but it's going to be a good case, should get some court time out of it.

Well, I just felt like talking to you about work. I miss venting to you about all the stupidity at the Department.

I love typing to you... this lets me feel as though I am talking to you. The cemetary doesn't do it for me, but this does, and as time goes by I'm becoming more and more like my old self and saying what I feel or think.

Some told me about how you would check LEIN to see if it was running because if it wasn't I would be irritated later. LOL.. How true... anyone who loves stolen vehicles loves the LEIN system and needs it to get their fix. You might get lucky flashing a light inside the vehicle to check the ignition, but LEIN is the best.

You knew me so well.... you knew what would annoy me, and you knew when I was reaching that point where I could not contain my tongue..... I just wish others could be so intuitive when it comes to me.... would save some headaches. :) LOL.

I miss you pumpkin. You're the one person who truly got me. My good, my bad, my everything. You saw it all and you still loved me, but it was a vice versa. I saw you, all of you, and I still love you! :)

I'll check in later,
Love you
Honey Bunny

I miss hearing you call me Honey Bunny... You either said Honey Bunny or Moonnniiiccccaaaa!!!! LOL

bye

September 27, 2005

Scotty,

I just came back from my third Sibling Retreat and as always I feel better after the weekend, but I do miss the friends I have made there. It is such a great weekend to heal and help others heal, I think I have come so far since the first retreat. I can not even describe how much I enjoy talking with the other silbings, it is just so natural to be with them. I am already looking forward to returning next year.

Jordan just wrote a paper for school and the title they had to write about was "Dealing with Change" and she wrote about the night you were killed. I cried as I read her paper and learned how much she retained from that time period. I was so glad that I read it as I was getting her agenda out to sign, because when she brought it out to write the final draftlater that night, she asked me if I wanted to read it and she watched me the entire time I was reading it. She misses her favorite uncle and she talks about you all of the time.

I miss you and those big bear hugs!

Andrea

September 23, 2005

Hi Scotty,

I can't tell you how much your sisters are appreciated by me and so many others. I know you're proud of them. I'm a more "seasoned" survivor but they are such an inspiration in how they handle themselves throughout their every day lives and "new" normal without you and when dealing with those who may not understand their grief.

Give my sister a hug for me.

Romaine Cheney

C. Romaine Cheney
Sister, VA Tpr. II Jessica J. Cheney

September 20, 2005

I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself

The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby
(We belong together)

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell it went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
It ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together


Hi pumpkin,

Happy anniversary. I know we weren't able to have this day, but in my heart, and I know in yours, we had it way before the day came! I miss you. You're still number one in my heart, and you'll always be my big baby! :)

Three years hasn't changed the pain in my heart. I hear songs like the one above and I think of you. Certain lyrics just scream what I feel.

I'll never know why things had to be this way. I'll never be able to fully accept the change in our life. You should have been here with me enjoying your life, and raising our own personal family. I think of this and it breaks my heart knowing that we were cheated out of a life-time together, and all the little bits of happiness, and the memories that come from raising your own family.

I know you're happy and in a great place. I know this separation is only temporary, but that knowledge doesn't lessen the pain. Everyday I shed tears because I miss you so much. Heck, I'm crying now!

I love you! I'll be with you before you know it!

Love,
Honey Bunny

September 20, 2005

Scotty-

Although I never met, I feel like I know you so well. Getting to know your sister Andrea better this year, and having met Debbie, I believe I know the type of person you were. Just be sure to know that they miss you so much, and they honor your memory every day in their lives. Meeting your sisters has made my loss easier just by talking with them. I thank you for that.

Patti Smith
family friend

September 12, 2005

Hi Scotty,
Seems just like yesterday, you and Dad would debate your Toyota and his Ford, I remember the sign he made Only Fords Park Here, and what did you do but park your Toyota right in front of that sign.
I thought it was pretty funny.
Will you got the last laugh, guess who's driving YOUR Toyota? Your father.
He even got the front window fixed, it was getting pretty cracked.Even with 155,000 miles on it, it still runs great.
Miss you, Love you
Mom

Audrey Stewart
Mother

September 8, 2005

Here comes the sun (Du du du du)
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alright

Little darling
It's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling
It feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun (Du du du du)
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alright

Little darling
The smiles returning to the faces
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alright

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes (five times)

Little darling
I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling
It seems like years since it's been clear

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say
It's alright

Here comes the sun (Du du du du)
Here comes the sun
It's alright
It's alright

Scott,

I did this silly subconcious email tonight that someone sent me and the above song came from it. At the end of it, you are the person I love (duh! LOL) and the song is what matches you. For some reason it was the first song that came to my head. Fitting. It was one of our songs. How I giggled every time you tried to sing it to me.

:-)

Today was another one of those days miss you more than anything days. Everyday, I miss you, but there are those days that someone or something makes me miss you more than any other day.

So much is going on right now. You would not like where the department is going. We're merging with 7. It's going to be one big cluster, but it's going to be fun! Oooh, they're changing our names again - we are now North East District, and with these new preps a car will have to be North East District- 5-1a and your partner North East District- 5-1b. Try yelling all that in a priority! No more 5, 7, 2, 10, 8, and 1.

Lately, I been wondering if it's good for me to become involved with others who have experienced this loss. If, after 3 years, it's time to back away and let it all go. I'm not at the same stage I was then. But, today I logged on and realized, yes it is good, and why I should do it. Kel's message, an email from another, and a recently "widowed" fiancee wishing to join the group I created.

I've been a somewhat busy beaver trying to bring the fiancee's, girlfriends, and significant others together. There is not a whole lot for us in the terms of support. We have one seminar during PW which is only enough time to tell our officer's stories and cry. There's not enough time to truly talk and work towards healing.

They tried to put a retreat together for us, but we had to pay for it, plus the travel expense. No wonder it was canceled due to low registration. Would you pay to go to a support retreat given by an organization created to help you knowing they pay for everyone other survivor category, but yours? I paid it, myself and a few others worked so hard to get something. But, I can afford to pay, but not everyone can, I know a lot of the women I talk with are just starting out and cannot afford to pay close to 700 for a retreat and travel. After this I thought of letting it go, but I cannot. It's a good organization, and I hope it does change this policy. The need is growing. So many need the support of others in their category. That's why the other retreats do so well.

In DC last year, a couple of fiancee's didn't have family, friends, or a department there to support them, but they did have me and a few other girls in the group. Pumpkin, I know what it feels like to lose the love of your life, I know what it's like to feel like an outsider and unwanted, I know what it feels like to be told you don't count because you're just a fiancee, and if I can help one person feel any of those types of pain less, then that's good enough for me.

A talk with one of your buddies this past month has helped a lot, and then a surprise talk with another helped more. He apologized to both of us for thinking I didn't love you because of the road my life took 2 years ago. I didn't leave you in the dust then, his words, and I will never leave you. I have my road to walk, but that road ends with me joining you. I can look forward to that day. I accepted the apology for both of us.

Pumpkin, I've tried my hardest to honor you in my own way. It might not be the way some would like or comprehend, but to each their own, right or wrong it's my way. The only thing that matters is you are remembered and loved, not the manner in which it is done.

There's no blueprint to follow.

Honestly, the best way, in my opinion, to honor all of our love ones, is to live your life to the best of your ability, and build your relationship with God, so you can join them one day.

I'll be with you again.

I love you,
Monica

September 7, 2005

Scotty,

Debbie and I will once again head to St. Louis for the Sibling Retreat. We are both looking forward to the trip again this year, the lodge and its grounds always remind me of you. I just love sitting in one of the chairs at the beach, looking out over the water and the hills. I think of you as I sit there and take in all of the beauty nature has to offer. I know I have said it before, but you would have loved this place. Boy, are Debbie and I in different places than we were last year when we went. Our lives have certainly followed different paths than we had anticipated. But I think these paths are going in the right direction.

It is really wonderful to meet other siblings, and to have a weekend where people really do understand what we are going through. Of course, it is always good to see Suzie and Kathy.

We will think of you alot this weekend. We will cry as we tell your story, but we will laugh when we tell stories about you. It is so hard to believe that you have been gone three years. I still can not believe that this happened to you, you are certainly missed.

Your three girls are getting big, I can't believe Jordan is going to be 10. She is just like Debbie, God help me!!!!!! She is always happy, always has a smile on her face. I know that you are proud of all of them. They are great kids and they miss their Uncle Scotty.

Love you,
Andrea

September 6, 2005

Hey, Scott.
Just a note to let you know that you will always be remembered, along with so many other officer's who gave their life serving and protecting. Tonight, I said a special prayer for Monica, for your family, and for your friends.

Monica,
Scott is in your heart forever. His memory will live on in you and people will know what a great man he was because of your light. You have been a blessing to me since the first time we spoke. Through your loss, you have provided a haven for other fiances, girlfriends, and significant others to support one another in tragic times. When I was too weak to stand at police week as I heard Josh's name, you & Lu held me up. But I also know that as we cried and mourned together, Josh and Scott held us up as well. Scott will be with you always, Monica. He is a part of you and will never leave you. I think about you and pray for you always. Continue to shine your light and know that you are a blessing to so many.

Love & prayers,
Kel

Kelly Gillain
Sig. Other to Deputy Sheriff Joshua Blyler EOW 5.2.04

September 5, 2005

Hi Scotty,
As you know the Detroit Police Department will lay off 150 police officers and merge 12 precincts into 6 districts. Oh how I would love to hear your opinion on all this. I know you would have plenty to say.

I pray you help and watch over all your friends as they go out on the street to do their job.

Miss you, Love you
Mom

Audrey Stewart
mother

September 1, 2005

Scott,

I came across the below and thought how fitting it is for everyone who has lost someone, not just a brother. I just changed the name.

I know you are in heaven. I know I will see you again. Our separation is only temporary. Until then, enjoy all our Lord has to offer, and I'll try to live my life the best I can.

Love you,
Miss you,
Monica

On the Passing of a Brother - August 27, 2005

As I sat in the airport terminal the other day awaiting my connecting
flight, a small boy who had noticed for the first time in his life the
awakening of the morning, shouted in amazement, "Look mom! The sun is
going up!" I too, turned to see what this wonder was about, especially
since I was in the midst of deep sorrow at the death of my brother, and
thought that perhaps some of this tiny child's joy could rub off on me.

Through the emotional blackness, I peered out the window, noticing the
pale blue sky, bilious white clouds, and right in the middle was the
sun; orange-yellow and brilliant, rising up to the heavens.

At that moment, God spoke to my heart, whispering, "In like manner is
your brother rising up to Me. He is with Me in Heaven."

And so, I will grieve for my brother, Scott, for our earthly loss,
knowing and trusting that his spirit now lives on with God.

Those who have
passed before him will welcome him to paradise; a place where there is
no sorrow, unrest or bondage, but only peace, joy and love.

II Corinthians 5:8 states: "to be absent from the body is to be present
with the Lord."

Scott did believe in God and Jesus Christ, so he IS with the Lord.

When Christ hung dying on the cross, he uttered these words to the
thief placed next to him, also condemned to death, yet who repented of his
sins, "Verily I say to you, today you shall be with me in paradise."
Luke 23:43

There are many Bible verses which support the belief of an afterlife.
Romans 10:9-10 declares, "For if you tell others with your own mouth
that Jesus Christ is your Lord, and believe in your own heart that God
has raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

As such, I know that
Scott is in a better place; but he will be sorely missed, always loved,
and never forgotten. My faith in God has been a tremendous comfort in
dealing with my grief, for I know it is not "goodbye," but merely, "see
you soon!"

Just as I truly believe with all my heart that I will see my brother
again when it is my own time to part from this world, it is God's desire
that ALL men come to know His peace, love and salvation.

August 28, 2005

Scott,
I hope that you are doing well. The last three weeks have been horrible. On the 10th of this month, one day before your EOW...A partner and friend, Deputy Timothy Graham was killed on duty.
I was the third car there and I was with my rookie that I am training (his 7th week in the program). It was horrible, but I want to thank you for giving me the strenght I needed to keep my composure so things could get done.
The 16th was his funeral. It was every bit as wonderful as yours!!! But so very sad. It was the third Police Funeral I have been to in the past three years. As you know my friend and classmate Tucson Police Officer Patrick Hardesty was killed 05-26-03.
I don't know why this is happening. Some cops go a lifetime without having to attend a friends funeral...I don't know what to do.
Do me a favor Scott, Take care of Tim and Pat for me, I asked them to take care of you as well. Watch over us and continue to give us strength.
Until we meet again.....

Kurt

Deputy Kurt Dabb
Pima County Sheriff's Department

August 24, 2005

Audrey, that is a beautiful poem. Reach out to Scott's spirit and take hold of it, and hold it close to you! He is there by your side! God's peace be with you and all your family. It's been a little over three years, but I assure you, we still grieve with, and support, you. Always in our prayers.

A friend

Friend in Michigan

August 21, 2005

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around
but he did not appear.

He said Mom you've got to listen,
you got to understand
God did'nt take me from you, Mom
He only took my hand.

When I called out in pain that night
the instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
and pulled me to his side.

My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
all the answers to my empty dreams
and all that might have been.

I love and miss you so
and I'll always be nearby,
my body's gone forever.
But my spirit will never die!

And so you must go on now,
live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.

Scotty I know in my head you are in Heaven, but my heart wants you here with you're family.
Miss you, Love you
Sending lots of HUGS.
Mom

Audrey Stewart
Mother

August 21, 2005