Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Some days if feels like an eternity...some days like it was yesterday. I'm in a much better place now than I was almost twenty years ago, there's no doubt about that. And although I don't go around grieving all the time, the grief is still there...and always will be. And although some wouldn't understand this, I am glad it's there. I never want to forget. I may never be "normal", but this is my "normal". It is who I am and that is okay. -xoxo


I read this online and loved it so much. This “old guy” gets it. He really, really gets it. He puts into words what I have tried my whole life to. God bless this man and his words of wisdom. Here’s what he wrote about grief:

“Alright, here goes. I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not. I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to ‘not matter.’ I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out.
But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.”

Laura
Wife

October 17, 2017

Happy Father's Day in Heaven.

Laura

June 18, 2017

Thinking of you as Police Memorial Week rolls on. Seeing your name on the wall in Washington seems so permanent. It's still just so hard.

Laura
Wife

May 16, 2017

Happy Birthday!! You would have been 45 today. I hope you are enjoying a wonderful celebration in Heaven today. I still remember your last birthday. You were 25 and we had a wonderful time celebrating your birthday at your favorite restaurant. Of course we had no idea it would be your last. I guess the words to this song says it best: "And now I'm glad I didn't know, the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could've missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance." And I wouldn't have missed that for the world. Happy Birthday and thank you for all the memories.

Laura
Wife

May 4, 2017

Happy anniversary!! 21 years ago today, we said I do. 19 years ago today, I was sitting in a funeral home planning your funeral and picking out your casket. I never knew my heart could be so happy and break so completely on the same date. I will never ever understand why you had to go.
<3 always

Laura
Wife

April 27, 2017

4/25/98 – 04/25/17……I love Danny Gokey’s song and official video “I will not say goodbye”. He gets it. It might be 19 years today…but I refuse to say goodbye. I just can’t. :’(

here are the words to the song

It changes everything you've been
And all that's left to be
Is empty, lonely, broken, hopin'
I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on
I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye
They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone
Cause I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye
I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive everyday
I will shelter the blame
I'll shout out your name
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
I will not say goodbye

Laura
Wife

April 25, 2017

Rest In Peace, Sweetheart. The pardon for your killers was denied by the President. Thank God justice has prevailed.
Love you always,

Laura
Wife

January 12, 2017

Remembering you on this Veteran's Day. I will never forget you nor the sacrifice you made for our country.

Laura
Wife

November 11, 2016

My heart is broken for the fallen officers and their families (both blood and blue). Please send strength to those left to carry on in Dallas. And to all of us whose wounds are being reopened because of these events. I love you :(

Laura
Wife

July 8, 2016

Tonight I will be leaving and making the trip up to Waverly for the opening of The Allen W. Gibson Jr. Park! I am so excited and happy to know that the town of Waverly is still keeping your memory alive. I will be meeting up with Summer and Pam and they will be with me for this wonderful dedication. It is so hard to believe that you have been gone for so long, but I know that you will always be in our hearts and that you watch over us everyday. Your two beautiful granddaughters will be the first kids to play at the park and they are beyond ecstatic to play at "papaw Allen's park" as they call it. I know that you will be there with all of us tomorrow. We love and miss you so much and I know that we will see you again someday!

Crissana Gibson
Daughter

June 25, 2016

I never really knew who you were but I had talked to you on the phone when u was in boot camp with my brother. A lot of years later I met this beautiful young woman,this beautiful young woman is your daughter.I got to know a lot about you and take pride in who you were and what you stood for. You have two beautiful grand daughters and even though we are not together anymore we both make sure they know who their papaw Allen is and truly what a man u were.I want to thank you for what u did and for letting me be a part of your daughter and grand daughters life.thanks love n miss you father in law.

Rodney summers
son-in-law

June 22, 2016

Happy Birthday, Allen. You would have been 44 today. :(

Laura
Wife

May 4, 2016

04.27.96 – 20 years ago today, I became your wife and this was our song.
The moon and stars aren't mine to give
Neither is eternity
But I'll give you a promise tonight
That I can keep-

Long as I live
Long as I breathe
With every heartbeat
I'll need you near me
I won't leave you behind
'Til the Lord says it's time to go with him
I'm yours…long as I live

04.27.98, on our 2nd wedding anniversary, I picked out your casket. I remember the pain I felt. I thought I was going to die it hurt so much. I remember crying and screaming and praying to God it was a nightmare…but it wasn’t. It was my reality. You were gone. Life has been hard, but God has helped me through it. Now, I try to help others in my situation. Those young women left behind to make sense of everything. I try to give them hope. Let them know they will make it through this with God’s help. No, it won’t be easy and it won’t be overnight, but it will get better. I hope I make you proud. Thank you for all the laughs and many memories. Until we meet again,
Love Always,

Laura
Wife

April 27, 2016

04/25/98 - 18 years ago today, you were tragically taken from us. I have no new words to say. Life sucked for a really REALLY long time, but thankfully I am in a much better place now. I will always keep your memory alive in my heart and never forget your sacrifice. Enjoy Heaven and give my dad and brother a hug for me. I miss you all so very much.
Love Always,

Laura
Wife

April 25, 2016

Well, as you know my dad has joined you. I imagine you helped welcome him home. I'm sure you all are catching up and up to no good by now. I miss him so much. Take good care of my Daddy and watch over us from above. Love Always,

Laura
Wife

February 23, 2016

Christmas in Heaven - Scotty McCreery

December hasn't changed
This town looks the same
They still light that tree in the city square
There's red, white, and green shining everywhere
And I wish you were here
And I wonder......

Is the snow falling down on the streets of gold
Are the mansions all covered in white
Are you singing with angels silent night
I wonder..... what Christmas in Heaven is like

There's a little manger scene
Down on Third and Main
I must've walked right by it a thousand times
But I see it now in a different light
'Cause I know you are there
And I wonder......

Are you kneeling with shepherds before Him now
Can you reach out and touch His face
Are you part of that glorious holy night
And I wonder.....
What Christmas in Heaven is like

Laura
Wife

December 15, 2015

Sometimes the road just ends
Changes everything you've been
And all that's left to be is empty
Broken, lonely, hoping
I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on

I don't want to feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone

Cause I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive everyday
I will shoulder the blame
I will shout out your name

I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye

Allen, even after 17 years, I will not say goodbye. :(
Will not say goodbye
Will not say.....

Laura
Wife

August 21, 2015

I just cancelled my trip to DC for police week. Sorry I won't be there to visit your name. A friend of mine said she would visit it for me. My dad found out he has stage 4 oral cancer and they are doing extensive surgery at UVA this week. Please watch over him. I know how much you loved each other. Please help him get better. He means so much to me. I cannot imagine my life without my daddy. :(

Laura
Wife

May 11, 2015

Happy birthday in Heaven, Allen! You would have been 43 today. :(

Laura
Wife

May 4, 2015

Happy 19th wedding anniversary. :(

Laura
Wife

April 27, 2015

Today is your angelversary. I hope you are enjoying Heaven. I sure do miss u. :(

Laura
Wife

April 25, 2015

April 25th is quickly approaching. It lands on a Saturday this year. The same day you were killed 17 years ago. I can still remember falling to the floor screaming, begging God to not let this nightmare be my reality. In a way it seems like an eternity ago and in a way it seems like just yesterday. Even after 17 years, I still love you and cherish our many memories.

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

April 23, 2015

As I walked in the police station this morning to go to work, I looked up and saw the thin blue line on the wall. For some reason, it made me think of you and wonder what you’d be like today. I can’t believe I’ve been in law enforcement for 15 years now and your life was tragically cut short after just 2 years. It’s just not fair. Some days it seems like 04/25/98 was an eternity ago and some days it feels like it was yesterday. I hate you were taken from us so soon but know you will never be forgotten. You are always missed, thought of, and loved.
Always in my heart,
Laura

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

January 15, 2015

Your name looks so beautiful on the wall at the new memorial in Richmond. I am so thankful that your sacrifice will never be forgotten by others.
Always in my heart,
Laura

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

December 8, 2014

Remembering you on this Veteran's Day. We will never forget you, nor the sacrifice you made. I will always keep your memory alive.
Love Always,
Laura

Laura Gibson-Szerokman, Surviving Spouse
of Ofc. Allen W. Gibson, Jr. EOW: 04/25/98

November 11, 2014