Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Well, it's your daughter's 17th birthday today. Can you believe that? I can't believe she's 17 years old!! I'm sending her flowers so I hope that brightens her day a bit. I just talked to your mom and she was having a pretty good day. She hates you’re not here to see another one of Crissana's birthdays - like all of us. Crissana is taking nursing now and thinks she will go in the medical field when she gets out of school. She has a boyfriend (but don't worry...you would like him) and I think they will be getting married after she graduates school (although she still promises to go to college). Your Grandmother passed away a couple weeks ago which I’m sure you know since you two are together now. Your mom and I are going to go get Christmas flowers for your grave in a couple weeks. I’m sure you’ll like them. Well, guess that’s it for now. Just send a special ray of sunshine down on Crissana today so she’ll know you are thinking of her.

Laura

November 3, 2006

Another one taken yesterday, Deputy Williams from Florida, with his K-9 partner, Diogi. And you know what's the worst thing? It was his wife's birthday!! God help her. I know how hard it was for me to pick out your casket on our wedding anniversary. All I can do is pray for strength for her..but I know she'll miss him forever just the same.

Laura

September 29, 2006

Well, there were two more officers taken from us this week both in my area. One was a Security Guard and one was a Deputy. Every time I hear it on the news I think of you. I can still remember so vividly the morning after you were killed being so angry that cars were still going by and people were still going to work and my whole world had crashed all around me. In COPS (Concerns of Police Survivors) an organization that I NEVER wanted to be a member of but unfortunately I am....says that their motto is “Rebuilding Shattered Lives”. It's kind of like this...let's say there was a picture up on the wall of my whole life and one day it got knocked down and shattered in a million pieces. Well, I can pick that picture up again and I can begin to glue all the pieces together but in the end you will see that it will always be shattered and it will never be the same again. It's sad that in one split second everything that you have ever known can be changed. All the innocence is sucked out of you and you know how cruel life can be at times. I just hate that these families are going to have to face that because it's such a long, hard journey. And just when you feel you’re strong enough to bend over and pick up all the pieces you realize that one piece is missing and you'll never have it again.

Laura

August 24, 2006

I just heard another Virginia officer was taken from us on Saturday (July 8). It's such a shame that such tragedies continue to happen. My heart goes out to his family left behind to walk this horribly long and lonely road that I've had to. I wish it didn't have to be. I'm sure you met Deputy Sheriff Charles Fisher on Saturday to welcome him in and you guys are enjoying a crime free paradise now. We love and miss you guys.

Laura

July 11, 2006

Thought of you on Father's Day....you were an excellent Daddy to your Lil Princess.

Laura

June 20, 2006

...I’m really struggling today. Please ask God to help me stay strong. I miss you Allen. I really - really miss you. :-(

Laura

June 5, 2006

Allen,
I never had a chance to meet you, but I have heard so many wonderful things about you as a husband,father and police officer. I still remember the day very clear when you were taken from us. We have had 3 Virginia officers killed within 3 weeks and it has been really rough. I am sure that you met all 3 of them at the gates of heaven when they entered. Allen you rest in peace brother, you are a TRUE AMERICAN HERO as well as my AMERICAN IDOL.
Laura you stay strong and always remember that you will always have your brother's and sister's in blue here to support you no matter what.

Sgt. K. Bish Jr.
Virginia State University Police Department

May 22, 2006

Wow...I'm glad yesterday is finally over. It was a hard, hard day. I ended up just leaving work and going to the cemetery and crying until I couldn’t cry any more. Then I went home got in the bed and decided I had enough of the day and went to bed – at 5:30 pm and didn’t get up until this morning. I guess it was so hard because it was Police Memorial Day and I just get so angry sometimes at everything that has happened. I get angry that I know what Police Memorial Day is or when it occurs or why it occurs. I get angry that I come to work and the police officers at my own department aren't wearing their mourning bands and the flag hasn't been lowered to half staff. I just get mad at people for acting like it's just another day when it's not. I start asking the never ending question of “why me?” Why should I get the pleasure of getting to know what Police Memorial Day is? Why should I know what it’s like to bury my 25 year old husband or how about the fact that I got to pick out his casket on our second anniversary? That’s just not quite fair!!! Questioning everything is just a normal part of the grieving process I suppose. I just wish on really hard days I could wear a sign on my chest that said "I'm having a hard day today...I'm still grieving the fact that my husband was ripped from my life and murdered! Please tread lightly" but I know people still wouldn't get it. They would then treat me as if I had a contagious disease and just avoid me, thus inflicting even more pain on me. I guess I just need to come to the realization that these “days” are always going to exist. I just wish that they came with a 24 hour notice so I will know when I’m going to break down in advance and can plan accordingly. I miss you-

Laura

May 16, 2006

.....Happy Birthday. You would have been 34 today. I can't bring myself to write any more than that. I know your day is going better than mine. I love you...

Laura

May 4, 2006

I love your new picture on here....hope you do too!! I think it's sooo much better than that old black and white one. The old one was not a very good picture due to all the shadowing on your face. Anyway...you look so happy in this one I just had to post it. I remember the day we took this picture. It was when we had our engagement pictures made. They did a good job cutting me out of it. :-) I sent your mom an 8x10 copy of it. I know it made her smile. Well, guess I'll go for now. I sure hope this week is better than last. And don't worry...I haven't forgotten you have a birthday coming up on Thursday.

Laura

May 1, 2006

...10 years ago today I just woke up, looked outside, and smiled from ear to ear because it was beautiful and sunny and a wonderful day to get married. I was quickly whisked out of the house for a day of glamorizing attention. Hours later I was standing in the large room where they were doing our hair and makeup and I looked over and there stood Crissana, your beautiful daughter…soon to be my stepdaughter with long beautiful blonde curls all the way down her back. She was so beautiful, happy, and excited. All the wedding attendants looked so beautiful. The three flower girls were wearing white and the three brides maids were wearing wine colored long dresses that looked just breathtaking. As I was in the room waiting for them to tell me it’s time to begin I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest. I had never been so nervous in all my life. I was really about to marry the man of my dreams. What would I do when I saw him? What would he do when he saw me in my dress? Would he like it? Would he be surprised? All those thoughts quickly went in and out of my head. Finally the wedding coordinator opened the door where all us giddy females were waiting and told us it was time. As they started to leave my dad came in and looked at me. He told me how beautiful I was and that he wasn’t losing a daughter he was gaining a son. After a couple minutes of crying and hoping to God I didn’t ruin my makeup we finally got the sign that it was our time to line up….we were finally next. I heard the music I could only imagine how beautiful the church was. Just when I couldn’t wait any more they opened the two large double doors and I began the very long walk down the aisle to say I do. I immediately looked at you and you had the biggest smile on your face I had ever seen. Actually I think you mouth kind of hung open at first (I hope that was a good thing :-)and then you smiled from ear to ear. I wanted to run down that aisle and marry you. Well, we had a beautiful ceremony with beautiful music and everything went just perfect. (Well, let’s not forget the part where I could not blow out my candle after lighting the unity candle and you had to take it out of my hand and blow it out for me and then put it back.) That was really funny. Then the time came that I was about to be presented as Mrs. Allen Gibson, Jr. I was so excited. They told you to kiss the bride and after a big long kiss you turned around a give the entire crowd a thumbs up!! It was priceless. That was just you. Anyway, somewhere in the ceremony we had to say the words …to death do us part… Well, frankly I think those words are a bunch of crap. It’s not till death do us part. If it was why am I sitting here eight years after your death soaking in the memories of our wedding day and balling like a baby? They should make you say “until time ends”, because if it’s really true love then it really will be when time ends…not when somebody dies. You don’t just turn off love like a light switch and move on to the next person. It doesn’t happen like that. Anyway we had such a perfect wedding and how bout when we went out to get into the car And they had literally covered it in “police line do not cross” tape??! That was hilarious. We barely got the tape pulled out enough for us to crawl in. And off we went on our honeymoon with all that tape on it. Those were the simple days, those were the days we were in love and that’s all we needed was love. Well, for the tenth anniversary tradition calls for me to get you aluminum or tin…that sounds just weird to begin with. I guess you’re going to have to settle for a kiss from me and a few balloons I’ll send up. That’s about the best I can do. I cannot help but remember eight years ago on this day. You died two days before our second anniversary. On our second anniversary I was called by the funeral home staff and I had to go pick out your casket. Great…a casket that’s what I got you for our second wedding anniversary. I should have got to pick out a restaurant…not a casket. That was the most horrible thing in the world. I was devastated to say the very least. I would walk by a couple caskets and then drop to the floor and scream and cry for a few minutes, then they would help me up and I’d do it all over again. I will NEVER get over that…..NEVER. I guess that’s just what life dealt me and I didn’t have a choice. Well, sweetheart I guess I rambled and rambled on but I wanted you to know that I miss you more than words can say, I think about you more than you could ever imagine and I still cry for you more than you’d ever believe. I miss you. I love you. Happy 10th Anniversary Allen…..I wish I felt that overwhelming happiness I felt ten years ago today but instead I feel like somebody has ripped my heart out of my chest. Allen, I promise to Love Honor and cherish you ….“until time ends.”
Love you always,
Laura

Laura

April 27, 2006

To Patroman Allen William Gibson, his loved ones and his fellow officers in the Waverly Police Dept.:

On this the eighth anniversary of your tragic death, please know that your memory is revered and honored today.

May your family continue be to comforted by the warm embrace of their law enforcement family, and other police survivors who share this painful journey with them. My heart is with your family.

Reading all the loving reflections left by those who cared for you gives us an understanding of what a good and honorable man you were and of the high esteem with which you are held.

You rescued us, saved our possessions, our lives and our families. You are one of the rare heroes among us. You were always there for us in the most traumatic moments of our lives. No matter when we called, we just expected that you would come and do whatever it took to help us, and you always met our expectations. Your selflessness and dedication are awe-inspiring.

This world, this country, your community truly are better places because of you. To have lost you is a great tragedy, an irreplaceable, immeasurable loss for society. We are grateful for and to you, and honor you for all you did for us day in and day out whether you received a word of thanks or praise.

Rest in Peace, Patrolman Gibson. I am so humbled by your valor and courage.

This reflection is sent with the utmost respect for the distinquished service Patrolman Gibson gave to his community and the citizens of Virginia, and for the supreme sacrifice he and his family made on April 25, 1998.

Phyllis Loya, mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

April 25, 2006

Well….it’s been 8 years today. I cannot believe it’s been eight years since I’ve seen your face and heard your voice. It just seems unreal to me, so unreal. I catch myself remembering something that you did or said and then I’m glad I remembered it but I’m mad at myself for forgetting it in the first place. That probably made no sense but I’m just so afraid I’m losing my memories and that’s all I have to go on is memories. Without them you really would be gone forever. I have such a bad memory. I have no idea what happened to my memory but after you died everything just kind of went to pieces up there. I’ve talked to a lot of surviving spouses and they go through the same thing. I guess it was the trauma of the whole thing…I don’t really know. I got up this morning and forced myself to go downstairs to start my morning routine and turned on the radio…there was silence then Leann Rimes’ song came on the radio and I just about died. Because I was thinking just yesterday as I was driving home how upset I got the day after you died when I looked out my window and saw cars going by. Just regular people going to work, school, whatever. I remember being so pissed at those people because they were just going on like nothing happened and my whole life was shattered. I just couldn’t understand how people still went on and the sun still came up and anyway…I just couldn’t believe that time didn’t stand still. That day I realized the hard lesson that “Time Marches On” (your favorite song), whether we like it or not it still marches on nevertheless. And I’ve also come to the conclusion that going through this has changed me dramatically and nobody understands. Everybody is so quick to give you advice on how you’re “supposed” to be handling this grief thing but what they don’t understand is grief handles you. It’s just like a roller coaster. I’m going along just fine and then all of a sudden...out of nowhere...the bottom drops out and I’m going downhill as fast as I can go. That’s the way grief is. I’m going along fine and thinking I’ve got everything under control then I remember something, see something, or just hear a song and that quickly it takes me down that slope and I’m at the mercy of my emotions until I start trucking it back up to prepare for the next fall. Anyway, here are the words to that song I heard this morning. Seemed to fit me so well. Love you and missing you as always...

I'm probably going on and on
It seems I'm doing more of that these days
[CHORUS 1:]
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Mama says that I just shouldn't speak to you
Susan says that I should just move on
You oughta see the way these people look at me
When they see me 'round here talking to this stone

Everybody thinks I've lost my mind
But I just take it day by day

[CHORUS 2:]
I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it
Oh You left so fast
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes I feel an angel's touch
Sometimes I feel like I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God gave me a moment's grace
'Cause if I'd never seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way

Laura

April 25, 2006

allen,
please please send laura some extra love today. she needs it so much. the dreaded day has come again. this one, we can't avoid. i told laura i hate the date, and i basically hate the whole month of april. i don't understand why you guys had to leave us. how the days can melt into weeks and those into months and pretty soon the months have morphed into years of time alone. it's amazing how we somehow make it through but not with our own willpower. it's because we have our angels pushing us along just like they did on earth. i have decided that the pain never goes away...we learn how to deal with things differently and how to cope. sometimes that means having an emotional breakdown and sometimes that means visiting your graves... whatever we do, though, we honor your memories. allen i hope you see how much you are loved and missed. i know you and cole are in heaven and are probably thinkin me and laura are crazy loons, but we just miss you boys so much. you can't just turn off love like a light switch. our love for you guys is like an eternal flame. please continue to watch over laura and your family as well. i can't imagine how it will feel at 8 years. i feel like, unfortunately, my time has just begun. i hope to meet you in heaven someday. until then, you and cole have an awesome time up there and don't forget to flutter down to visit when you can.

love,
jessi garger
fiancee of cole martin
chatsworth, ga p.d.
eow 4/25/03

April 25, 2006

Dear Allen,
Hope you had a great Easter in Heaven. I can't imagine the celebration that must take place up there. I look forward to the day we all worship the King together. Anyway, I hope you liked the beautiful spring flowers your mom and I got for you. I also hope you liked the beautiful angel I brought to your grave yesterday. It looked so precious sitting there under your beautiful bench. I hope it made you smile.
Thinking of you...and loving you forever,
Laura

Laura

April 18, 2006

laura and allen,

just wanted you both to know that i am thinking of you all the time...and especially now as we all approach yet another anniversary EOW....for me, 3 years, and for you 8.....unimaginable to most, but i understand that pain all too well. will it ever end? thank you for your sacrifice, allen. maybe you and cole can send us ladies down here some extra hugs and kisses from Heaven to help us through.

love,
jessi garger
cole martin's fiancee

April 6, 2006

I thought of you on Valentine's Day. Just missing you...

Laura

February 17, 2006

I was reading the reflections for Allen who I was just thinking about after ending my shift tonight. I remember attending the funeral as a rookie officer in Russell Co. where I first started in Law Enforcement. I just want to say to his family, daughter, and wife Laura that no one ever forgets. I am truly sorry that the pain from the loss of your love one is still so great, Allen is lucky to have such a caring family. It has just tore me apart reading some of the reflections you have left over the past years. Although I did not know him personally, alot of the officers in the County did and spoke nothing but great thinks about him. My best wishes in all your journeys and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Officer R.L. Brown
Pembroke Police Dept.

January 12, 2006

To the family and friends of Patrolman Allen Gibson and his fellow officers, and most especially to Allen:

In reading the reflections about Allen, it is obvious he was a much loved and well-respected man, one who truly deserves the title hero. I wish I had the honor to have met him, but the essence of him lives on through the memories so lovingly recounted in the reflections. What an incredible love he and Laura shared...he must have been so proud when Laura went into law enforcement. Laura, I am going to share the beautiful poem you wrote with my daughter-in-law Jo Ann.

On behalf of our entire family, we extend our sincerest condolences for the grievous loss you suffered when Allen was brutally murdered seven years ago. To his beautiful daughter, I know that your Dad holds his little princess in his heart just as tightly as you hold him in yours. To his Mom, I share your anquish of having lost a beloved son in such a cruel, wicked way.

I have been an attorney for over twenty two years, but can never stand beside a criminal defendant again. I am now focused on obtaining justice for my son, and have lost friendships in the process because some of my so called friends just don't get it. When I read the first reflections and learned of the plea bargain, I was physically sickened. My spirits rose after learning that people did not give up, and pursued another course until Allen received a measure of justice, rather than a sentence so insufficient it was an insult to his memory.

This reflection is sent with the utmost respect for the service Allen gave to his community, and for the supreme sacrifice he and his family made on April 25, 1998.

Phyllis Loya, mother of fallen officer
Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

November 1, 2005

Happy Halloween Sweetheart! I know you always loved this holiday because you loved dressing up and acting silly and this day gave you permission to do just that. You lived to make people laugh, especially children.

Well, as you can probably guess this is another hard day for me. I don't know why some days are so much harder than others. You'd think after 7 1/2 years that things would kind of settle down and all days would be pretty much the same but they aren't! The only thing I’ve noticed is that the “hard” days seem to be much fewer than before but nevertheless they are still there and I never know when they’re going to hit. I still have no idea why I dream about you as much as I do. Don't get me wrong I live for those dreams, however, some of them are so traumatic that it breaks me down for days. I dream you've been killed and I have to go through the whole death again. Then as if nothing every happened I have to wake up the next morning and go to work and smile and pretend everything is fine (because God knows people just wouldn’t get it). It really kills me how society will give you complete permission to “grieve” for a whole week after the funeral. Then after that comes the “you have my permission to grieve however I am going to avoid you because I have no idea what to say to you” phase. After about a year comes the “you need to just forget and go on with your life” stage. And as you probably can guess after seven years people just look at you like you’ve lost your mind when you have a bad day and just want to cry. I just wish people could know how hard is to never see someone again that you still love so much. I think if they could just feel my pain for one minute even after seven years they would understand me when a tear rolls down my cheek just because I’m missing you...

Laura

October 31, 2005

.....another hard day - just thinking about you. missing and loving you as always....

Laura

October 7, 2005

I ASSISTED IN BRINGING ALLEN KILLERS TO JUSTICE. THE FEDS WERE EXCELLENT IN PUTTING THIS CASE TOGETHER WITH :RICO:THOSE RESPONSIBLE RECEIVED LIFE IN PRISON. SO JUSTICE DELAYED WAS STILL JUSTICE SERVED. REST BROTHER GIBSON.TO THE GIBSON FAMILY I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU.8-23-05 CHIEF D.DAVIS

POLICE CHIEF/DOUGLAS DAVIS JR
WAVERLY POLICE DEPARTMENT

August 23, 2005

I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER ALLEN.I WAS ASKED TO WORK IN A UNDERCOVER CAPACITY TO BRING HIS KILLERS TO JUSTICE.I HOPE MY FELLOW BROTHER CAN REST IN PEACE.

July 25, 2005

Allen,

I just read your memorial. I absolutely can not believe what the prosecutor did. I hope the prosecutor reads your memorials and cries every time he sees what you daughter, wife and parents have written. I know I feel their pain.

I am absolutely livid with what I just read. I have been a Deputy Sheriff in Southern California for almost ten years. Out here, cop killers get the death penalty. No if's, and's or but's. The prosecutor in your case should be fired and could learn a lesson or two from our trial prosecutors. I did not know you, and I wish I did. May God bless your family. Rest in peace.

July 9, 2005

Happy Father's Day!! Hope you're having a great day in Heaven today. We miss & love you!

Laura

June 19, 2005