Deputy Sheriff Jose Antonio "Tony" Diaz

Reflection: it's been many years now since I lost my Tony but I carry him always in my heart as I know many of you do too.

Losing him was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life but now as much as it pains me to say this theres a part of me that believes God was calling him home and that he knew this long before anyone of us did.

I don't believe I've ever spoken of this in a public forum before, only our close family and friends know of what I'm about to share witb you but Tony spoke often of his death. It was as if he had a sixth sense that God would be calling him home soon.

Here are a few of the memories I'll share with you:

Often when we would drive past a particular cemetery ( one which was located on the outskirts of Woodland, up on a hill), he would point it out and tell me " baby when I die, I want to be buried up there, under a tree. I never thought much of it but looking back now, I do. I can't tell you how many times he said he wanted to be buried under a tree.

He told me that when I die, ( it was always " when" I die, not ever " if" I die ) I want Jessy ( his 5yr old daughter at the time) to have all my hats. Tony had a huge collection of baseball hats. When I would ask him why Jessy, he would say because she use to like to put them on and stand infront of the mirror and look at herself in them ...I imagine he pictured his little girl giggling with a hat way to big for her little head and if Jessy you should ever be reading this, I still have, after all these years a tub full of your dad's hats I'd love to give you ( along with other things I saved for you and your sister Ali )

Tony also wrote me a beautiful goodbye letter inwhich he gave me specific instructions on how to tell his parents he had passed away, along with a beautiful poem he wrote . He wanted to make sure I didn't call his parents but that I went in person and told them of his passing. He wrote that his dad had a heart condition so I was to go to their home. This was Tony even in death he was a good son to his father. ( sadly as things happen in the tragedy of a sudden death , this did not happen the way he wanted it)

He would also tell me often the music he wanted to be played at his service and that he did not want to be buried in his uniform ( for his law enforcement brothers
I wouldn't take this to personally, I believe Tony felt that being an officer was only a fraction of who he was and it didn't define him as the whole person he was. He wanted to be remembered as " Tony" as " Papi", a brother, an uncle, a son, a friend, a fathet and not just an officer). Sadly these things too were discarded.

There was a day Tony came home with a really cute little white tiger with pretty blue eyes ( he knew that white tigers were my favorite) . He had gotten it for me as a gift and when I asked why he told me " that when I die, I want you to hold on to this and remember me". I think I told him " shut up your not going to die! " and laughed it off . As I write this, 16 yrs later the little tiger sleeps beside me every night.

As if these things were not enough, I think the biggest insight that Tony ever had came one night while he was laying in bed. I was getting ready to turn in for the night standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth, etc when he called me over to him. He was looking on the laptop on the Costco website, we had just gotten a membership that day. He said, " baby, baby come here " with excitement in his voice. I thought he was going to show me something really cool but when I went over lol, he pointed to a blue casket with the mother Mary on it. ( who would of thought Costco had caskets!! And of all things for him to be looking at them !!) He said , " baby when I die, I want to be buried in this! Oh Lord!! I didn't think anything of it but Tony passed two or three days after this.

There were many insights Tony had or said before his death, to many to remember them all but looking back I believe he knew his time here was short and I wish I would taken it more seriously.

In March of 2008, Tony and I lost our baby ( Christina) and 3 months later on Father's day God took him. I don't know why God chose Tony he was such a great man and loving father to his 3 daughters and to my children, and although I so desperately wished he didn't have to go im comforted knowing hes up there with her now.

As in many families drama happens when someone dies and sadly because of this Tony didn't get the things he asked for in death, but he did get close to a tree. I know he would be looking down from heaven smiling. It meant so much to him. Please learn from us and if someone you love should pass away, set your differences a side and out of respect for that loved one be gracious and kind.

My love- forever & a day

Julie Yu
Fiancée

July 27, 2024